Feminist! Feminist! Feminist! So, there, I’ve said the dirty little word that makes everyone so amazingly uncomfortable! (Everyone over the age of 25 that has been exposed to the worldly side of American culture, that is!) For some strange reason, unbeknownst to me, there is a massive amount of negative associations and brutally outrageous stigma that is accompanied by what it means to be a feminist and what exactly feminism stands for. I just really don’t get it.
Apparently for a lot of people “feminist” means “man-beater,” “lesbian,” “man-hater,” “male basher,” or some other derogatory term that’s used to display a strong level of malice towards men. Let’s not forget there’s also a common belief circulating that what feminism really is, is the school of thought that women are superior to men.
Can I first off start by saying that this is entirely incorrect, not true, and completely false!
For the purposes of this article, I decided to consult Mr. (or Ms. depending on who you ask) Merriam Webster. According to Webster, feminism is simply “the theory of political, economic, and social equality between the sexes.” That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. Can you believe it?! Pretty scary, huh?
I will acknowledge, just like with any term or movement, there is a high level of subjectivity surrounding what a specific movement means or stands for, depending on who you ask. If you ask a scholar versus a writer versus a teacher, you may get slightly different definitions. However, there is one critical element that is common across the board. The one ingredient that is consistent throughout any credible definition of feminism, is (drum roll, please,) equality.
For those of you, that never would have guessed, I have a confession to make, I am indeed a feminist and have been since the age of seven or eight. I recall my younger brother being able to walk around the house without a t-shirt on. I remember asking my mother, “How come Jake (my younger brother, who was five at the time) can walk around the house without a shirt on, and I have to wear a t-shirt?”
My mom responded, “Well, CC he’s a boy so they don’t have to wear shirts all the time.” My response, “That’s not fair. Because they’re boys, they get to walk around without a shirt?” I had the most difficult time comprehending this, I mean its summertime, and everybody’s hot! I remember I would walk around the house shirtless (with a sports bra, of course), simply because I believed in “Social T-shirt Equality.” I suppose that was my first exposure to their being certain privileges (despite how minor they may be) between men and women.
Maybe you can help? I’m still not sure why feminism and feminists harbor such a negative reputation. Being a freshman in college, I would consistently challenge the sexist, chauvinistic language of men regarding women. Calling my male classmates out about their intentionally derogatory language with women, coined me as “femin-nazi.” At first, I was very adamant about not being classified as a feminist, femin-nazi, or anything of the sort. It just sounded so negative and, just down right, bad. (I mean, come on, “femin-nazi?!”) However, that ship eventually sailed, and I decided that there was absolutely nothing wrong with challenging negative language towards women, inspiring thoughts of equality between men and women, and being known as a feminist.
The theory of positive social change and equality for all people (whether it’s related to gender, race, socioeconomic status, etc.) seem to be fairly positive concepts to me. It seems like everyone should hope for all people to be treated fairly and given the same opportunities regardless of whether or not they are a man or a woman, or how much money they make (being rich or poor), whether they are young or old, or white or non-white, gay or straight, and the list could go on forever.
Even with our current culture of instant communication and endless information at our finger tips, why does the idea of feminism still carry such awful thoughts? Is it our responsibility to educate ourselves about ideas, concepts, and even the language we choose to use? (Hence, “you’re such a femin-nazi.”) And, at the core essence of it all, man, woman, and child, aren’t we all really more alike than different?
Being an avid cook and someone who thoroughly enjoys the process of baking, there’s this Yiddish proverb that I happen to love, “everyone is kneaded out of the same dough, but not baked in the same oven.” Aren’t some of us just “baked” in a man’s oven versus a woman’s oven?
Thoughts?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Love Lottery
Isn't love, dating, and the whole relationship process a lot like playing the lottery? It's as if, relationships are in many ways a gamble, especially in today's day and age of having such high rates of broken relationships and divorce.
Many of us start "gambling" around the age of 15 or 16, hoping to strike it rich, someday! We don't really know if we'll hit the "jackpot" (translation: "get married") to that one special person, however, most of us are definitely hoping for it.
Ok, let's stop and really think about this for a minute. Around 15 years old (give or take a couple of years, depending on what planet you come from), you start dating, or shall I say "gambling." People date and date and date. It's no wonder it's such a chore to find anything resembling a healthy relationship these days. Yeah, we learn lots of lessons along the way. But, let's face it, at this point you're still gambling, which means you've also lost a lot of money along the way too!
People (both men and women) gamble all of this money hoping to win the jackpot! So, what happens, when you're really close to winning? I mean really close!
Jackpot! You find this wondrously amazing partner that you absolutely cannot live without! She wakes up extra early to make you the most deliciously delightful breakfast in bed. He'll drive all the way across town to bring you a movie and your favorite ice cream just to cheer you up. She helps him with his business plans for work. He gives her advice with her miscellaneous work-related projects. Even on top of all that, their energy and connection with each other is one of a kind. Everything just fits.
Except, one thing's off with your relationship. (Of course, there has to be a problem, right?!) It's simply a matter of timing. One person's ready to be in a committed relationship and the other wants to take their time. One person's ready to be married and the other is feeling like in about 2-3 years, they’ll be ready to journey down the aisle.
Does one continue to gamble on the jackpot? Or do you play it safe and walk away from the gambling table?
The great thing about playing the lottery is that you can always play a completely different game, and get completely different results. So, maybe playing the “Mega Millions” jackpot is proving to be too time consuming. One can always play the “Fantasy Five.” The only difference is the “Mega Millions” game is worth $100 million and the “Fantasy Five” is worth an estimated $526,000.
The “Fantasy Five” game is a completely different relationship all together. The relationship is good, nice, and comfortable. In fact, it’s very easy. Within a matter of months, you’ve hit the “Fantasy Five” jackpot! Now, is just a matter of cashing in! You’ve even set a date to claim your prize. (Translation: You’ve set a wedding date.)
The timing is perfect for both you and your partner. You and your partner want exactly the same things. You’re both in the same stage of life and are ready for a serious commitment. Marriage, anyone? Ready, set, yes! Both partners value familial relationships and look forward to building those ideals with someone. Everything’s perfect, especially the timing. On the contrary, there’s just one thing missing. (Of course, it’s always something!)
The “it” factor is missing. You know, that extraordinary cosmic connection that is completely indescribable that is uniquely exceptional that is unlike anything you’ve ever encountered in your entire lifetime! As Betty and Veronica would say in an Archie comic book, that incredibly marvelous “va-va-voom” is what’s absent from your new relationship. Okay, so maybe that’s all a little overboard, but you get my drift!
So, what’s a person to do? Does one cash in on the easy, already won “Fantasy Five” game for $526,000? Or does one attempt to go back and play the “Mega Millions” lottery, which is now at an estimated $142 million? Obviously, one is a substantially higher risk, with a bigger payoff versus a modest payoff and a guaranteed bet.
I guess the bigger question here is: do you aspire to live with a lump sum payment of $526,000 versus trying to achieve the $142 million lottery? And, let’s not forget about taxes! Uncle Sam always comes for his! (Translation: Taxes are those unknown, inevitable “downfalls” or things in a relationship that you had no idea existed that are not good or welcoming that take away from your relationship. Nobody’s a perfect fit.) Hence, everybody has to pay taxes on a relationship.
There really is no "right" or "wrong" answer. I guess it just boils down to what's most important to you and which would make you genuinely happier. Decisions, decisions, decisions, what would you do?
Love, life, and the lottery!
Many of us start "gambling" around the age of 15 or 16, hoping to strike it rich, someday! We don't really know if we'll hit the "jackpot" (translation: "get married") to that one special person, however, most of us are definitely hoping for it.
Ok, let's stop and really think about this for a minute. Around 15 years old (give or take a couple of years, depending on what planet you come from), you start dating, or shall I say "gambling." People date and date and date. It's no wonder it's such a chore to find anything resembling a healthy relationship these days. Yeah, we learn lots of lessons along the way. But, let's face it, at this point you're still gambling, which means you've also lost a lot of money along the way too!
People (both men and women) gamble all of this money hoping to win the jackpot! So, what happens, when you're really close to winning? I mean really close!
Jackpot! You find this wondrously amazing partner that you absolutely cannot live without! She wakes up extra early to make you the most deliciously delightful breakfast in bed. He'll drive all the way across town to bring you a movie and your favorite ice cream just to cheer you up. She helps him with his business plans for work. He gives her advice with her miscellaneous work-related projects. Even on top of all that, their energy and connection with each other is one of a kind. Everything just fits.
Except, one thing's off with your relationship. (Of course, there has to be a problem, right?!) It's simply a matter of timing. One person's ready to be in a committed relationship and the other wants to take their time. One person's ready to be married and the other is feeling like in about 2-3 years, they’ll be ready to journey down the aisle.
Does one continue to gamble on the jackpot? Or do you play it safe and walk away from the gambling table?
The great thing about playing the lottery is that you can always play a completely different game, and get completely different results. So, maybe playing the “Mega Millions” jackpot is proving to be too time consuming. One can always play the “Fantasy Five.” The only difference is the “Mega Millions” game is worth $100 million and the “Fantasy Five” is worth an estimated $526,000.
The “Fantasy Five” game is a completely different relationship all together. The relationship is good, nice, and comfortable. In fact, it’s very easy. Within a matter of months, you’ve hit the “Fantasy Five” jackpot! Now, is just a matter of cashing in! You’ve even set a date to claim your prize. (Translation: You’ve set a wedding date.)
The timing is perfect for both you and your partner. You and your partner want exactly the same things. You’re both in the same stage of life and are ready for a serious commitment. Marriage, anyone? Ready, set, yes! Both partners value familial relationships and look forward to building those ideals with someone. Everything’s perfect, especially the timing. On the contrary, there’s just one thing missing. (Of course, it’s always something!)
The “it” factor is missing. You know, that extraordinary cosmic connection that is completely indescribable that is uniquely exceptional that is unlike anything you’ve ever encountered in your entire lifetime! As Betty and Veronica would say in an Archie comic book, that incredibly marvelous “va-va-voom” is what’s absent from your new relationship. Okay, so maybe that’s all a little overboard, but you get my drift!
So, what’s a person to do? Does one cash in on the easy, already won “Fantasy Five” game for $526,000? Or does one attempt to go back and play the “Mega Millions” lottery, which is now at an estimated $142 million? Obviously, one is a substantially higher risk, with a bigger payoff versus a modest payoff and a guaranteed bet.
I guess the bigger question here is: do you aspire to live with a lump sum payment of $526,000 versus trying to achieve the $142 million lottery? And, let’s not forget about taxes! Uncle Sam always comes for his! (Translation: Taxes are those unknown, inevitable “downfalls” or things in a relationship that you had no idea existed that are not good or welcoming that take away from your relationship. Nobody’s a perfect fit.) Hence, everybody has to pay taxes on a relationship.
There really is no "right" or "wrong" answer. I guess it just boils down to what's most important to you and which would make you genuinely happier. Decisions, decisions, decisions, what would you do?
Love, life, and the lottery!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Can't we all just be Happy?!
It’s 88 degrees and sunshine and the laughing children are playing on the playground. Up and down the slides! Over and over again! The sound of the ice cream truck is now within earshot. It’s off to ask Mom and Dad for money! Yep! Got it! Now, you get to enjoy the cherry popsicle as the sun begins to set.
Do you remember the days when life was ever so innocent and ever so pure? Do you remember when the carefree days of life, laughter and happiness surrounded our minds, hearts, and spirits? Can’t remember it? It’s because we were under the age of 10! Okay, so now, you remember it!
I just have one question, when did we stop being happy? Or more importantly, why did we stop being happy?
I know! At least, I think I know. Somewhere along the line, life got really hard. The ups and downs of life eventually surface, which include: financial stressors, illness, life, death, love, pain, heartbreak, and the list goes on. With all of these things going on, who could actually be happy?
Apparently there’s a rumor going around! If you’re really happy (and not faking it), everything, or at least most things in your life must be going well. In order to be happy, there’s a common misconception that you can’t really be experiencing any difficult obstacles in your life, because if you were, then you would be sad or upset or disappointed, right?
Ummm…wrong! The people that are happy are choosing to be happy. Obtaining happiness isn’t an easy thing. It doesn’t have to be hard, either. It is work, nonetheless. I would argue that happy people work hard every single day to be happy. It’s not just one of those things that happens naturally. Of course, some people tend to have a more positive optimistic outlook than others. However, when it comes to an individual that is consistently happy, all or most of the time, this person is making the choice to be happy.
Being happy is work, primarily because life gives us difficult challenges in which we are faced with on a regular basis. The secret to being happy lies with how we, ourselves, are going to choose to deal with life’s obstacles. Often times it’s easier to succumb to our troubles, by allowing ourselves to become sad, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, or even depressed (when these emotions control our lives for long periods of time). Many times it’s much more challenging to actually “look on the bright side” and choose to accept things as they are, and just be happy when everything is going wrong around you.
Now, this is not to say that happy people are always happy. This is definitely not the case. Yet, what does seem to be true is that happy people tend to work through their difficult situations and accept that there are circumstances that one simply cannot change. Furthermore, with situations that you cannot change, one can always alter their perspective. The way in which we look at, examine, and analyze a situation can have a lot to do with our ability to be happy.
According to Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American philosopher and poet, “nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” And, might this actually be true? Consider that no tangible thing such as money, cars, clothes, jewelry, or even another person can actually bring you happiness. Perhaps, it is something that comes from deep within. Might it also be true that “some pursue happiness—while others create it?” Life is hard. Work is hard. Love is hard. Happiness, on the other hand, can be as simple as a choice.
A Note to the Reader:
So, what are your thoughts on happiness? How do you define being happy? What does it mean to be happy? Did you agree or disagree with something in this article? I want to hear your thoughts! Whether it’s one page, one paragraph, one sentence or one word! Nothing is too much or too little! Sharing your thoughts are wonderful because it creates dialogue, discussion, and learning! Okay…ready, set, write!!
Do you remember the days when life was ever so innocent and ever so pure? Do you remember when the carefree days of life, laughter and happiness surrounded our minds, hearts, and spirits? Can’t remember it? It’s because we were under the age of 10! Okay, so now, you remember it!
I just have one question, when did we stop being happy? Or more importantly, why did we stop being happy?
I know! At least, I think I know. Somewhere along the line, life got really hard. The ups and downs of life eventually surface, which include: financial stressors, illness, life, death, love, pain, heartbreak, and the list goes on. With all of these things going on, who could actually be happy?
Apparently there’s a rumor going around! If you’re really happy (and not faking it), everything, or at least most things in your life must be going well. In order to be happy, there’s a common misconception that you can’t really be experiencing any difficult obstacles in your life, because if you were, then you would be sad or upset or disappointed, right?
Ummm…wrong! The people that are happy are choosing to be happy. Obtaining happiness isn’t an easy thing. It doesn’t have to be hard, either. It is work, nonetheless. I would argue that happy people work hard every single day to be happy. It’s not just one of those things that happens naturally. Of course, some people tend to have a more positive optimistic outlook than others. However, when it comes to an individual that is consistently happy, all or most of the time, this person is making the choice to be happy.
Being happy is work, primarily because life gives us difficult challenges in which we are faced with on a regular basis. The secret to being happy lies with how we, ourselves, are going to choose to deal with life’s obstacles. Often times it’s easier to succumb to our troubles, by allowing ourselves to become sad, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, or even depressed (when these emotions control our lives for long periods of time). Many times it’s much more challenging to actually “look on the bright side” and choose to accept things as they are, and just be happy when everything is going wrong around you.
Now, this is not to say that happy people are always happy. This is definitely not the case. Yet, what does seem to be true is that happy people tend to work through their difficult situations and accept that there are circumstances that one simply cannot change. Furthermore, with situations that you cannot change, one can always alter their perspective. The way in which we look at, examine, and analyze a situation can have a lot to do with our ability to be happy.
According to Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American philosopher and poet, “nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” And, might this actually be true? Consider that no tangible thing such as money, cars, clothes, jewelry, or even another person can actually bring you happiness. Perhaps, it is something that comes from deep within. Might it also be true that “some pursue happiness—while others create it?” Life is hard. Work is hard. Love is hard. Happiness, on the other hand, can be as simple as a choice.
A Note to the Reader:
So, what are your thoughts on happiness? How do you define being happy? What does it mean to be happy? Did you agree or disagree with something in this article? I want to hear your thoughts! Whether it’s one page, one paragraph, one sentence or one word! Nothing is too much or too little! Sharing your thoughts are wonderful because it creates dialogue, discussion, and learning! Okay…ready, set, write!!
Friday, April 30, 2010
What's so Wrong with Stripping Anyway?!
The young woman enters the dirty, smoky bar where a loud mixture of 80’s rock, rap, and pop music is playing. The only two televisions are on baseball games. After three martinis her inhibitions have lowered to the point that she jumps on top of the counter and begins dancing to the loud music as she begins to remove articles of her clothing.
Explicit images of nudity, baring all, and stripping undoubtedly have a variety of ideas and messages that are attached to these concepts in every culture. Depending on your perspective you may (or may not) have severe problems with the idea of a person exposing one’s physically naked body. However, I’m going to take this discussion one step further, and use the analogy of stripping to mean to reveal the depth of certain layers of an individual’s personality, character, and inner most sentiments.
I would argue, that in order to grow and progress in our own personal understanding of self, we must all “strip.” Often times that means we have to peel back layers of “self” in order to increase our level of emotional, mental, and spiritual understanding. That may mean we have to “bare all” and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to achieve a deeper level of self growth. In other words, we have to allow ourselves to be open to the possibility of going beneath the surface, in order to really understand our deeper selves and really grow and transform.
Symbolically, to remove clothing as in “stripping,” one could also associate that to be getting rid of those things (ideas, behaviors, or even people) that are in our lives that are preventing us from moving forward. I deem these preventative things as “baggage” which inevitably has the ability to hold us back, in a variety of aspects of our lives. Check out my article, “Calling all Passengers! Report to Baggage Claim!” http://justcierra.blogspot.com/2010/01/calling-all-passengers-report-to.html
Stripping is very difficult. It’s not as easy as people make it out to be. Allowing ourselves to be really “real” with ourselves and people around us is very challenging. However, I definitely think it’s necessary in order to elevate to the next level of understanding as we journey down this road called “Life.” The sad part is that, because it’s so hard, most of us choose to look the other way, and just stay right where we are.
Sometimes there is a life situation that triggers us to strip. We all experience situations that test us, and force us to grow and transform, or to decide to stay stagnant where we are in life. I would like to challenge everyone to “strip.” It can be emotionally draining filled with a variety of intense feelings including: sadness, sorrow, anger, confusion, disappointment, vulnerability, and the list goes on. However, the ultimate outcome leads to a positive understanding of deeper levels of emotional, mental, and spiritual self.
It would be completely unfair to challenge people to “strip”, if indeed, I did not. I have been a “stripper” for about three weeks now. There was an unexpected life situation that triggered my adventures in stripping. It actually all started Good Friday, the irony of it all! (I often write poetry, my deepest, most inner sentiments, never expecting them to be shared with anyone. However, I have decided to share a couple of pieces. This isn’t easy, so please, bare with me.) Here it is, This is me, Stripped!
Raw Sorrow
I lie in bed for days at a time
Hoping
Tomorrow will come soon
That it will be a brighter day
That some of my pain & sorrow
Will be erased
Tomorrow does not come
Soon enough
Tomorrow is not better
The dreadful hurt in my heart
Is still blatantly present
I open up every window
Hoping
That the warmth of the sunshine
Will breathe new life into my spirit
It does not
The sunshine does nothing
All I see are clouds of darkness
The solitude of my pain is everywhere
As I seep deeper & deeper
Into the depths of despair
Its early evening
I sit down to feed myself
Hoping
That the food will nourish
My physical body & emotional spirit
It does not
The food does no good
I can finish very little
Food
Once an artful joy of my creation
Once a blissful contribution
To my excitement & happiness
Has become
A grueling task
A difficult chore
That remains incomplete
I shower 5 times a day
Hoping
This will relax me
Mentally, physically, and emotionally
That
I will somehow find the strength
To leave the borders of my home
It does nothing
Nothing changes
All I can do
Is slip back into my pajamas
Crawl back into bed
Left
With my never-ending thoughts,
My revolving emotions, and
Open possibilities.
Burning Insomnia
I cannot sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps
The unconscious state
Of my existence is awakened
It is given free reign
Over my emotional, mental,
And physical realms
All I feel is
The embedded pain
Of this tortuous disaster
As I brutally awaken
From this horrific nightmare
My physical reactional state surfaces
My breathing is uncontrollable
My eyes are flooded with tears
The heartburn in my chest forces
My body to become completely limp
To deserve such
An immense amount
Of physical, mental, emotional,
And spiritual anguish
Is deeply unsettling
I cannot sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps
Heaven forbid
My naps last too long
A 3 hour nap is long-lasting
My subconscious state
Begins to arrive and
Reminds me of my endless fountain
Of intense hurt
The painful sensation of my misery
Has nowhere to go
It stays with me
During my sleeping & waking hours
I cannot sleep
I will not sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps.
NOTE TO THE READER: Please share your thoughts about this article! Whether it be one word, one sentence, a paragraph, or a whole novel, feel free to post your thoughts!! How do you feel about “stripping?” Ready, set, share!!!
Explicit images of nudity, baring all, and stripping undoubtedly have a variety of ideas and messages that are attached to these concepts in every culture. Depending on your perspective you may (or may not) have severe problems with the idea of a person exposing one’s physically naked body. However, I’m going to take this discussion one step further, and use the analogy of stripping to mean to reveal the depth of certain layers of an individual’s personality, character, and inner most sentiments.
I would argue, that in order to grow and progress in our own personal understanding of self, we must all “strip.” Often times that means we have to peel back layers of “self” in order to increase our level of emotional, mental, and spiritual understanding. That may mean we have to “bare all” and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to achieve a deeper level of self growth. In other words, we have to allow ourselves to be open to the possibility of going beneath the surface, in order to really understand our deeper selves and really grow and transform.
Symbolically, to remove clothing as in “stripping,” one could also associate that to be getting rid of those things (ideas, behaviors, or even people) that are in our lives that are preventing us from moving forward. I deem these preventative things as “baggage” which inevitably has the ability to hold us back, in a variety of aspects of our lives. Check out my article, “Calling all Passengers! Report to Baggage Claim!” http://justcierra.blogspot.com/2010/01/calling-all-passengers-report-to.html
Stripping is very difficult. It’s not as easy as people make it out to be. Allowing ourselves to be really “real” with ourselves and people around us is very challenging. However, I definitely think it’s necessary in order to elevate to the next level of understanding as we journey down this road called “Life.” The sad part is that, because it’s so hard, most of us choose to look the other way, and just stay right where we are.
Sometimes there is a life situation that triggers us to strip. We all experience situations that test us, and force us to grow and transform, or to decide to stay stagnant where we are in life. I would like to challenge everyone to “strip.” It can be emotionally draining filled with a variety of intense feelings including: sadness, sorrow, anger, confusion, disappointment, vulnerability, and the list goes on. However, the ultimate outcome leads to a positive understanding of deeper levels of emotional, mental, and spiritual self.
It would be completely unfair to challenge people to “strip”, if indeed, I did not. I have been a “stripper” for about three weeks now. There was an unexpected life situation that triggered my adventures in stripping. It actually all started Good Friday, the irony of it all! (I often write poetry, my deepest, most inner sentiments, never expecting them to be shared with anyone. However, I have decided to share a couple of pieces. This isn’t easy, so please, bare with me.) Here it is, This is me, Stripped!
Raw Sorrow
I lie in bed for days at a time
Hoping
Tomorrow will come soon
That it will be a brighter day
That some of my pain & sorrow
Will be erased
Tomorrow does not come
Soon enough
Tomorrow is not better
The dreadful hurt in my heart
Is still blatantly present
I open up every window
Hoping
That the warmth of the sunshine
Will breathe new life into my spirit
It does not
The sunshine does nothing
All I see are clouds of darkness
The solitude of my pain is everywhere
As I seep deeper & deeper
Into the depths of despair
Its early evening
I sit down to feed myself
Hoping
That the food will nourish
My physical body & emotional spirit
It does not
The food does no good
I can finish very little
Food
Once an artful joy of my creation
Once a blissful contribution
To my excitement & happiness
Has become
A grueling task
A difficult chore
That remains incomplete
I shower 5 times a day
Hoping
This will relax me
Mentally, physically, and emotionally
That
I will somehow find the strength
To leave the borders of my home
It does nothing
Nothing changes
All I can do
Is slip back into my pajamas
Crawl back into bed
Left
With my never-ending thoughts,
My revolving emotions, and
Open possibilities.
Burning Insomnia
I cannot sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps
The unconscious state
Of my existence is awakened
It is given free reign
Over my emotional, mental,
And physical realms
All I feel is
The embedded pain
Of this tortuous disaster
As I brutally awaken
From this horrific nightmare
My physical reactional state surfaces
My breathing is uncontrollable
My eyes are flooded with tears
The heartburn in my chest forces
My body to become completely limp
To deserve such
An immense amount
Of physical, mental, emotional,
And spiritual anguish
Is deeply unsettling
I cannot sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps
Heaven forbid
My naps last too long
A 3 hour nap is long-lasting
My subconscious state
Begins to arrive and
Reminds me of my endless fountain
Of intense hurt
The painful sensation of my misery
Has nowhere to go
It stays with me
During my sleeping & waking hours
I cannot sleep
I will not sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps.
NOTE TO THE READER: Please share your thoughts about this article! Whether it be one word, one sentence, a paragraph, or a whole novel, feel free to post your thoughts!! How do you feel about “stripping?” Ready, set, share!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Falling in Love...A Game of Chance or a Game of Choice?
The two lovebirds walked hand in hand as the sun began to set on the beach. The waves of the ocean gently met their feet on the sand as the salty air reminded them that their refreshing beach vacation would soon be coming to a close. After over two years of blissful serenity, their relationship felt very “natural.” The couple had the freedom to completely be themselves, unaffected by the outside world. The relationship was heaven on earth, with of course, the occasional bump in the road. This is not to say that their relationship was perfect; it was indeed “work,” and required compromise and communication to be happy and fulfilling for both of them.
I’m not sure that you can ever have too many discussions about love. The subject of love is always around us; it’s on television shows, in film, it’s depicted in commercials, in music, poetry, art, and just about every communications-related medium. You may consider checking out my investigative discovery, “The Love Lesson,” http://justcierra.blogspot.com/2009/11/love-lesson.html in which I attempted to understand the true meaning of love.
The theme of love is a universal theme that connects everyone from around the world. It doesn’t discriminate against race/ethnicity, country or cultural lifestyle, sexual orientation, age, or physical condition. Whether you live in a small village in the tropics of Malaysia, or are a gay man living in New York City, or a lesbian woman living in Canada, or are a disabled man living in southern Panama. It seems as if everyone wants to be in love, or perhaps is socialized to long for the romance of being in a loving and committed relationship.
Now for my social love question, drum roll, please—do you think that falling in love is a choice? Or is it by chance that we fall in love?
I imagine many will have fairly strong opinions on the answer to this question. I actually think that most people believe that falling in love is not a choice. I would guesstimate that probably more than 1/2 of people will think that falling in love is not a choice. What do you think?
My perspective is slightly different than most when it comes to the question of whether or not falling in love is a choice. I believe that falling in love, is indeed a choice. I think it is a decision, whether it is conscious or subconscious (depending on the person), to fall in love. At some point in the process of dating, courting, or getting to know someone you decide whether or not you are going to allow your heart to be open to the possibility of sincerely loving the other person.
Will you allow yourself to trust another person with your mind, body, and spirit? Will you allow yourself to love without fear of hurt or restraint? Or will you choose to be conservative with your heart due to the fear of vulnerability or potential hurt? It is a choice to decide to embark upon the journey of love with another person as one moves through the many stages of dating.
Having said this, on the other hand, I don’t think that who you fall in love with, is a choice. I don’t think you can help who comes and "steals your heart." Whether they are tall or short, thin or chubby, black or white, of Latin or Asian ancestry, or what their religion, occupation, financial, or other circumstances are. I don’t think that physical, mental, or emotional attraction towards another individual is a choice. I think great deals of these factors are chance related. It is by chance that your paths cross with this particular person at that particular time in life, and that you happen to be compatible with each other.
So, could it be that by chance we are able to meet and find the right person and by choice that we allow our hearts to be open to the possibility of loving another person, and ultimately fall in love? Or is the other way around? What do you think? Is falling in love a game of choice or a game of chance?
A Note to the Reader: I want to hear your thoughts on this question! “Is falling in love a game of choice or a game of chance?” Even if it’s just one or two words, sentences, phrases, or paragraphs! Whatever you’re willing to share, will be most helpful as I seek to create open, honest dialogue about real life social issues! Ready, set, discuss!!
I’m not sure that you can ever have too many discussions about love. The subject of love is always around us; it’s on television shows, in film, it’s depicted in commercials, in music, poetry, art, and just about every communications-related medium. You may consider checking out my investigative discovery, “The Love Lesson,” http://justcierra.blogspot.com/2009/11/love-lesson.html in which I attempted to understand the true meaning of love.
The theme of love is a universal theme that connects everyone from around the world. It doesn’t discriminate against race/ethnicity, country or cultural lifestyle, sexual orientation, age, or physical condition. Whether you live in a small village in the tropics of Malaysia, or are a gay man living in New York City, or a lesbian woman living in Canada, or are a disabled man living in southern Panama. It seems as if everyone wants to be in love, or perhaps is socialized to long for the romance of being in a loving and committed relationship.
Now for my social love question, drum roll, please—do you think that falling in love is a choice? Or is it by chance that we fall in love?
I imagine many will have fairly strong opinions on the answer to this question. I actually think that most people believe that falling in love is not a choice. I would guesstimate that probably more than 1/2 of people will think that falling in love is not a choice. What do you think?
My perspective is slightly different than most when it comes to the question of whether or not falling in love is a choice. I believe that falling in love, is indeed a choice. I think it is a decision, whether it is conscious or subconscious (depending on the person), to fall in love. At some point in the process of dating, courting, or getting to know someone you decide whether or not you are going to allow your heart to be open to the possibility of sincerely loving the other person.
Will you allow yourself to trust another person with your mind, body, and spirit? Will you allow yourself to love without fear of hurt or restraint? Or will you choose to be conservative with your heart due to the fear of vulnerability or potential hurt? It is a choice to decide to embark upon the journey of love with another person as one moves through the many stages of dating.
Having said this, on the other hand, I don’t think that who you fall in love with, is a choice. I don’t think you can help who comes and "steals your heart." Whether they are tall or short, thin or chubby, black or white, of Latin or Asian ancestry, or what their religion, occupation, financial, or other circumstances are. I don’t think that physical, mental, or emotional attraction towards another individual is a choice. I think great deals of these factors are chance related. It is by chance that your paths cross with this particular person at that particular time in life, and that you happen to be compatible with each other.
So, could it be that by chance we are able to meet and find the right person and by choice that we allow our hearts to be open to the possibility of loving another person, and ultimately fall in love? Or is the other way around? What do you think? Is falling in love a game of choice or a game of chance?
A Note to the Reader: I want to hear your thoughts on this question! “Is falling in love a game of choice or a game of chance?” Even if it’s just one or two words, sentences, phrases, or paragraphs! Whatever you’re willing to share, will be most helpful as I seek to create open, honest dialogue about real life social issues! Ready, set, discuss!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friend, Foe, or Frenemy?!
At age six, the young boy and girl stroll hand in hand towards the crowded playground, where they quickly build sandcastles in the summer months and make snow angels in the winter months together. At age thirteen, they bond over extracurricular activities at school and talk endlessly about movies, music, and television. At sixteen, they go together to get their driver’s license; experience first dates and prom together. As the years go by, they are destined to remain good friends (maybe even “best” friends) forever, right?
Things aren’t always what they appear to be, especially when it comes to examining different kinds of relationships, whether they are friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationships or business/professional/work relationships. Often times, relationships may appear one way, when in fact, they may actually be drastically different than the way in which they are presented.
As I begin this brief investigative journey, I must find out, what exactly is a “friend?” I consulted, Mr. Webster’s (New World 2002 Edition), and a friend is defined as: 1) “a person whom one knows well and is fond of” 2) “an ally, supporter, or sympathizer” 3) “a member of the Society of Friends; Quaker.”
Okay, so not a bad starting point when trying to understand what it means to be a friend. The first two definitions highlight two very different things, knowing someone well, and second being able to be supportive. I’m sure most would agree that these characteristics, amongst others, are indeed important when trying to define what a friend is and the depth of friendships. However, these alone are not the only attributes that can be utilized when trying to grasp the meaning behind friendships.
True, sincerely genuine friendships encompass a high level of reciprocity in order for them to be fruitful. Both friends must have similar definitions of what it means to be a friend. "One cannot truly have friends, if one cannot first be a friend." (- Author Unknown) The biggest obstacle involving acquiring healthy friendships today is due to high levels of selfishness. In today’s culture, people value themselves, their needs, and their wants over the needs of others. This individualistic mentality has led to the break-down of relationships, especially friendships and romantic relationships.
Whether or not we realize it, the people around us or lack thereof, tell us a story about ourselves. Picture this, a vibrantly energetic individual with an optimistic perspective on life who possesses an authentic concern for the well being of others. Now picture, an intensely self-centered, egotistical pessimistic individual that only cares about their needs, wants, and desires. Who has a larger pool of “friends?” Of course, this is indeed a no-brainer!
In many ways, the people that we associate with are a reflection of ourselves. Now, occasionally, we can be fooled. Someone (a friend, boyfriend, acquaintance, etc.) may not be what we thought them to be, at first. However with time, all things become evident. It is when you really need help, support, and love that you learn who your legitimate friends are. A person that earnestly cares for you is willing to make sacrifices for you in your time of need; they are willing to support you when difficult obstacles arise, and they're willing to stand by you until the very end of the tumultuous storm. This person is a true friend.
So, back to the initial question, what exactly is a friend? A friend is willing to come get you at 3 am, when the weather is 25 degrees outside and give your car a jump because the battery died. A friend is willing to drive 35 min to to stay up all night until 6 am, helping you pack to get ready for your big cross country move. A friend is willing to listen to you cry all night about your crazy boyfriend, your unruly co-workers, and your challenging family situations. A true friend is willing to make sacrifices to support you when you need help the most. “He who finds a faithful friend finds a treasure.” (-Author Unknown)
When we dare to care, we allow ourselves the opportunity to continue to grow and flourish as a person. We learn that life is not all about us. It’s not about what we want. It’s not even about what makes us happy, from a materialistic perspective. It has nothing to do with the money, cars, clothes, or appearances. Life has everything to do with the relationships that we make, the friendships that bond us together, and our social interactions with people that aid in our personal quest for self discovery.
It is ever so important to be mindful that friendship is a special kind of love. Friendships are work, just as any relationship. They take sacrifice, consistency, and the ability to be a support system for someone other than ourselves. It’s never too late to rectify “broken” friendships. However, one must always remember that “friendship is a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” In closing, I leave you with a beautifully poetic quote by Mark Twain, “good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
- Javier, Sirron, Emily (& Chad), Lorissa, Tootie, Hope, Mallory, Ashley, Raymond, Bryn, Stacey, this list goes on and could go on forever (Geez, too many to mention!) However, you know who you are (and many of you are followers)!
- This piece is dedicated to my beautiful friends (non-blood related) that I’ve had for a “reason, a season or a lifetime.” I really do believe that friends are the family that we create for ourselves. You are my 2nd family! Thank you for being you and for being the sunshine and support system of my life! I love you more than words can express!!
Thoughts for the Reader: (I want to hear from you! Even if it's only one sentence!)
-What are you thoughts about friendship?
-What does it mean to be a friend?
-Do you think that we have problems in today’s society with broken friendships, relationships, etc.
Things aren’t always what they appear to be, especially when it comes to examining different kinds of relationships, whether they are friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationships or business/professional/work relationships. Often times, relationships may appear one way, when in fact, they may actually be drastically different than the way in which they are presented.
As I begin this brief investigative journey, I must find out, what exactly is a “friend?” I consulted, Mr. Webster’s (New World 2002 Edition), and a friend is defined as: 1) “a person whom one knows well and is fond of” 2) “an ally, supporter, or sympathizer” 3) “a member of the Society of Friends; Quaker.”
Okay, so not a bad starting point when trying to understand what it means to be a friend. The first two definitions highlight two very different things, knowing someone well, and second being able to be supportive. I’m sure most would agree that these characteristics, amongst others, are indeed important when trying to define what a friend is and the depth of friendships. However, these alone are not the only attributes that can be utilized when trying to grasp the meaning behind friendships.
True, sincerely genuine friendships encompass a high level of reciprocity in order for them to be fruitful. Both friends must have similar definitions of what it means to be a friend. "One cannot truly have friends, if one cannot first be a friend." (- Author Unknown) The biggest obstacle involving acquiring healthy friendships today is due to high levels of selfishness. In today’s culture, people value themselves, their needs, and their wants over the needs of others. This individualistic mentality has led to the break-down of relationships, especially friendships and romantic relationships.
Whether or not we realize it, the people around us or lack thereof, tell us a story about ourselves. Picture this, a vibrantly energetic individual with an optimistic perspective on life who possesses an authentic concern for the well being of others. Now picture, an intensely self-centered, egotistical pessimistic individual that only cares about their needs, wants, and desires. Who has a larger pool of “friends?” Of course, this is indeed a no-brainer!
In many ways, the people that we associate with are a reflection of ourselves. Now, occasionally, we can be fooled. Someone (a friend, boyfriend, acquaintance, etc.) may not be what we thought them to be, at first. However with time, all things become evident. It is when you really need help, support, and love that you learn who your legitimate friends are. A person that earnestly cares for you is willing to make sacrifices for you in your time of need; they are willing to support you when difficult obstacles arise, and they're willing to stand by you until the very end of the tumultuous storm. This person is a true friend.
So, back to the initial question, what exactly is a friend? A friend is willing to come get you at 3 am, when the weather is 25 degrees outside and give your car a jump because the battery died. A friend is willing to drive 35 min to to stay up all night until 6 am, helping you pack to get ready for your big cross country move. A friend is willing to listen to you cry all night about your crazy boyfriend, your unruly co-workers, and your challenging family situations. A true friend is willing to make sacrifices to support you when you need help the most. “He who finds a faithful friend finds a treasure.” (-Author Unknown)
When we dare to care, we allow ourselves the opportunity to continue to grow and flourish as a person. We learn that life is not all about us. It’s not about what we want. It’s not even about what makes us happy, from a materialistic perspective. It has nothing to do with the money, cars, clothes, or appearances. Life has everything to do with the relationships that we make, the friendships that bond us together, and our social interactions with people that aid in our personal quest for self discovery.
It is ever so important to be mindful that friendship is a special kind of love. Friendships are work, just as any relationship. They take sacrifice, consistency, and the ability to be a support system for someone other than ourselves. It’s never too late to rectify “broken” friendships. However, one must always remember that “friendship is a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” In closing, I leave you with a beautifully poetic quote by Mark Twain, “good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
- Javier, Sirron, Emily (& Chad), Lorissa, Tootie, Hope, Mallory, Ashley, Raymond, Bryn, Stacey, this list goes on and could go on forever (Geez, too many to mention!) However, you know who you are (and many of you are followers)!
- This piece is dedicated to my beautiful friends (non-blood related) that I’ve had for a “reason, a season or a lifetime.” I really do believe that friends are the family that we create for ourselves. You are my 2nd family! Thank you for being you and for being the sunshine and support system of my life! I love you more than words can express!!
Thoughts for the Reader: (I want to hear from you! Even if it's only one sentence!)
-What are you thoughts about friendship?
-What does it mean to be a friend?
-Do you think that we have problems in today’s society with broken friendships, relationships, etc.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Calling All Passengers! Report to Baggage Claim!
The forty-something year old man, has finally renewed his passport, and is ready for a long awaited trip to the tropical country of Costa Rica. A vacation to another country is just what is needed to reenergize himself, for the next hectic work cycle ahead. He and his wife packed their bags for their relaxing, get-a-way and are off to the airport to catch their flight.
As the couple gets ready to board the plane, the man is informed by the airlines, that there is a two bag minimum. The well-established businessman was attempting to board the plane with an astounding six bags, plus two personal items.
With today’s flight restrictions, it would be virtually impossible to board a traditional plane with that many bags. What in the world? I know what you’re thinking, how could anyone try to board a plane with so many bags? Perhaps, the man wasn’t even aware that he was trying to board the flight with so much baggage.
As we move through life, we tend to accumulate a certain amount of “baggage” due to our life experiences. Baggage can easily be defined as things from our past that we “carry” with us, and haven’t let go, addressed, or confronted. The problem with baggage is that it still affects us in some way, shape, form or fashion because it’s a chapter in our life that we haven’t closed yet. Often times we may harbor a certain amount of guilt, distrust, or anger towards an individual or situation, which inadvertently translates to more unhealthy baggage.
Our experiences ultimately shape us into the person that we are, and the person that we become. These experiences that we encounter begin with our childhood, extends throughout adolescence, teenage years, young adulthood, our middle-aged years, and beyond. If we don’t deal with these circumstances that affect us, I would argue that it’s extremely difficult to live a fully rich life, full of depth, happiness, and purpose.
Now, the question to what extent something affects us is indeed another discussion in itself. I’m sure a lot of times we think, “Oh, well, I turned out pretty good.” “Everything’s fine with me now, it could have been much worse.” It’s almost as if we try to convince ourselves that everything is okay, because we do know that things could always be worse.
Is this a good stance to take? Are we really living our life to our fullest potential? Are we genuinely satisfied with the course our life has taken? Are we being true to ourselves and the people around us?
After analyzing many case studies, I have yet to discover an individual that had a substantial amount of baggage that was genuinely happy with their life and felt a deep sense of fulfillment with their life. Now, “substantial amount of baggage” is, of course a highly subjective statement. However, those cases in which people had unresolved issues (with family, friends, romantic partners, business relationships, etc.) they tended not to feel a high level of content within their life.
The primary way to increase your sense of life satisfaction is to come to terms with all of you unresolved matters in your life. That means that you’re really going to have to “unpack” all of your baggage in order to ensure a happy, fulfilling trip into your future. The obstacle is that this can be both mentally and emotionally exhausting. This can be extremely challenging because it will often times force us to be uncomfortable and we will have to deal with a lot of instances from our past. This process will also dare us to be honest with ourselves and force us to be vulnerable. This can be really hard, because often times we put up artificial representations of ourselves for the sole purpose of being perceived positively from others.
However, in the end, dealing with our baggage is undoubtedly worth it! It can be a freeing and therapeutic experience! It’s not going to be easy, but its value is priceless. Take it one step at a time. Figure out what things from your past have affected (and/or continued to bother) you, and confront them head on. I understand many will read this article and choose not to make any changes in their life due to fear, despite the fact that there are many bags to unpack.
Just remember that “courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear” (Ambrose Redmon), like your happiness. I’m sure the outcome of being able to address your previous obstacles that have affected you will actually ensure that your future is brighter and that the life you lead will be richer and filled with a deeper sense of contentment.
NOTE TO THE READER:
Of course, as always, I am very interested in hearing your thoughts about this article! Do you think many of us carry “baggage” in our day to day to lives? Is it really even a problem? How can we fix it?
Ready, Set, Discuss!!
As the couple gets ready to board the plane, the man is informed by the airlines, that there is a two bag minimum. The well-established businessman was attempting to board the plane with an astounding six bags, plus two personal items.
With today’s flight restrictions, it would be virtually impossible to board a traditional plane with that many bags. What in the world? I know what you’re thinking, how could anyone try to board a plane with so many bags? Perhaps, the man wasn’t even aware that he was trying to board the flight with so much baggage.
As we move through life, we tend to accumulate a certain amount of “baggage” due to our life experiences. Baggage can easily be defined as things from our past that we “carry” with us, and haven’t let go, addressed, or confronted. The problem with baggage is that it still affects us in some way, shape, form or fashion because it’s a chapter in our life that we haven’t closed yet. Often times we may harbor a certain amount of guilt, distrust, or anger towards an individual or situation, which inadvertently translates to more unhealthy baggage.
Our experiences ultimately shape us into the person that we are, and the person that we become. These experiences that we encounter begin with our childhood, extends throughout adolescence, teenage years, young adulthood, our middle-aged years, and beyond. If we don’t deal with these circumstances that affect us, I would argue that it’s extremely difficult to live a fully rich life, full of depth, happiness, and purpose.
Now, the question to what extent something affects us is indeed another discussion in itself. I’m sure a lot of times we think, “Oh, well, I turned out pretty good.” “Everything’s fine with me now, it could have been much worse.” It’s almost as if we try to convince ourselves that everything is okay, because we do know that things could always be worse.
Is this a good stance to take? Are we really living our life to our fullest potential? Are we genuinely satisfied with the course our life has taken? Are we being true to ourselves and the people around us?
After analyzing many case studies, I have yet to discover an individual that had a substantial amount of baggage that was genuinely happy with their life and felt a deep sense of fulfillment with their life. Now, “substantial amount of baggage” is, of course a highly subjective statement. However, those cases in which people had unresolved issues (with family, friends, romantic partners, business relationships, etc.) they tended not to feel a high level of content within their life.
The primary way to increase your sense of life satisfaction is to come to terms with all of you unresolved matters in your life. That means that you’re really going to have to “unpack” all of your baggage in order to ensure a happy, fulfilling trip into your future. The obstacle is that this can be both mentally and emotionally exhausting. This can be extremely challenging because it will often times force us to be uncomfortable and we will have to deal with a lot of instances from our past. This process will also dare us to be honest with ourselves and force us to be vulnerable. This can be really hard, because often times we put up artificial representations of ourselves for the sole purpose of being perceived positively from others.
However, in the end, dealing with our baggage is undoubtedly worth it! It can be a freeing and therapeutic experience! It’s not going to be easy, but its value is priceless. Take it one step at a time. Figure out what things from your past have affected (and/or continued to bother) you, and confront them head on. I understand many will read this article and choose not to make any changes in their life due to fear, despite the fact that there are many bags to unpack.
Just remember that “courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear” (Ambrose Redmon), like your happiness. I’m sure the outcome of being able to address your previous obstacles that have affected you will actually ensure that your future is brighter and that the life you lead will be richer and filled with a deeper sense of contentment.
NOTE TO THE READER:
Of course, as always, I am very interested in hearing your thoughts about this article! Do you think many of us carry “baggage” in our day to day to lives? Is it really even a problem? How can we fix it?
Ready, Set, Discuss!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The Black Single Woman Epidemic
December 31, 2009
Dear Diary,
Dear Diary,
All I wanted for Christmas was to find a charming, considerate, financially stable, and supportive man to be brought into my life. At 29, I can’t help but acknowledge the fact that my biological clock is ticking. I have, what, maybe 3-5 years of healthy childbearing years left? I can’t help but notice that many of my closest girl friends that are White and Asian are already married, and have children. So, I sit back and wonder, what’s wrong with me? I tried to do everything right. I went to college, finished in four years, graduated with honors, and have been working as a CPA for some time now. I own a car, a house, and guess what, I have great credit! So, what’s the hold up? Where the hell is Mr. Right?
In the meantime, I’ll continue to be an optimist, and look forward to next year! Perhaps, next year will be my year!? My year to find a wonderful life partner, my year to begin building a happy and lasting relationship with someone I care about, my year to begin building my future life (with children to come).
Sincerely,
An Optimistic (yet slightly discouraged) Single Black Woman
Apparently the large number of single black women in America is nothing abnormal, in fact, it’s pretty common. So, common that even ABC decided to do some digging for potential answers to this problem. According to ABC, 42% of black women have never been married, which is more than double the number of white women who have never been hitched. This number is rather startling, considering the notion that there are so many “successful” black women on the market. There are high numbers of attractive, college-educated, career-oriented black women, who want to be in committed relationships that somehow still find themselves single.
Why is this condition so frequent amongst black women? Are there external factors that are contributing to high rates of single black, successful women? If this is the case, how might black women find a life partner that contributes to having a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life?
According to the Gallup World News Poll, the 2005 study found that 64% of black men have dated outside of their race, while only 42% of black women have dated outside of their race. When compared with other racial ethnic groups, about 74% of Latino men have dated outside of their race, and 65% of Latin women have dated outside of their race. When examining the Whites, about 48% of white men have dated outside of their race, and 43% of white women have dated outside their race. (If you wish to learn more, check out the study at: http://www.gallup.com/poll/19033/Most-Americans-Approve-Interracial-Dating.aspx )
According to the statistics, black men date out of race significantly more than black women. In fact, black women date within race, higher than any other group. When it comes to interracial dating as a whole, men are much more likely to date out of race than women. Some may wonder why this is the case? However, men traditionally tend to have more power, privilege, and flexibility when it comes to the arena of dating and romantic relationships, much more than women.
Okay, okay, okay, so what exactly does this mean as it translates to black women in the world of dating? This means that it’s important for women, particularly black women, to be open and receptive to dating outside their race. We never actually know who our ideal mate may be. He may be the complete polar opposite of you. You may be tall, he may be short, you may be black, he may be white (or Latino, or Asian), you may be slender, and he may be slightly chubby. What matters is the connection that you’re able to obtain with that particular man. Does he understand you (or at least make an attempt to understand you)? Does he support you and the endeavors that are important to you? Are your values aligned with each other when it comes to matters that are important to you (family, religion, etc.)? Does he treat you with a deep amount of love, consideration, and respect? Will he make the sacrifices necessary to contribute to your happiness and your positive well-being (not just your financial security)?
If so, then this could be a potential candidate for you as a life partner. There’s a lot of talk about women, (and for the purpose of this article, black women) having unrealistic expectations when it comes to finding a mate. There’s absolutely no reason why anyone should “settle” when it comes to the qualities of a person that you are planning on spending the rest of your life with. We don’t expect men to “settle,” hence we shouldn’t ask women to “settle” either. However, there is a point in which the notion of Mr. Perfect Prince Charming should be dispelled. Unrealistic expectations for anyone (women or men) are unhealthy concepts and can definitely impede on an individual finding the right person.
You may remember in a previous article, “Time≥ Timing,” in which I discussed and researched the significance of time and timing in life, work, and relationships. I definitely think the same is true, as one evaluates how timing plays a role in our life as it relates to marriage, and finding lasting relationships. In some ways, it’s a game of time, and one must not be too insistent on trying to rush what is to come into our life (when it comes finding the right life partner).
According to author, Sam Keen, “we come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person, perfectly.” This is ever so true, as we move through this journey called life, as we travel down the road of Love, and examine the many possibilities that are in store for us!
--This article is dedicated to ALL of my single black girlfriends, in which we have endless conversations about love and relationships!! Porschia!! (Thanks for sharing this awesome clip with me girlie!) Ashley, Hope, Lorissa, Deidre, Aunt Koni, and the list goes on!
In closing, I would love for you to check out the 7 min segment that ABC did on this topic. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJGMAhWpDF8&feature=popular. I look forward to reading your comments on the subject! Men and women, Black and White, Latino and Asian, (Everybody) post your thoughts! I’m sure you have something valuable to share, and your perspective will contribute to an open, honest dialogue!! You know the drill...Ready, set, share!!
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Love Lesson
A Note to the Reader:
Love.
As a sincerely acute food lover, my analysis suggests that love is a lot like an onion. Like an onion with its many layers, love, too is layered with degrees in which the emotional depth can be both felt and potentially evaluated. On a more sensory note, both have the ability to make you cry, without much restraint. An onion tastes good (or bad), just as love feels good (or bad), depending on whom you ask. Love has the ability to enhance one’s own personal life experience, just as an onion has the ability to enhance to the preparation of a well made savory dish.
I have, indeed, wanted to write about love for some time now, but have always felt this subject to be extremely multifaceted and filled with an abundance of challenges. To say that the subject of love is incredibly difficult and intensely overwhelming would be a vast understatement.
Love is complicated. It’s complex and it’s not the easiest thing in the world to understand. So, I have scoured books on romantic poetry in search of truth, researched religious texts and scriptures, collected interviews and amazing recounts from people to provide clarity, and I have explored the depths of my mind and heart for answers surrounding love. Thus, here are my discoveries regarding my investigation on the lesson(s) of love.
Introduction
It’s a mild autumn morning and you’re on your way to work. You hop into your car, toss your briefcase on the passenger seat, and quickly put the key into the ignition. The radio cuts on as you pull out the driveway and there’s the slow romantic “My Heart Will Go On” Celine Dion ballad playing. Geez, you haven’t even had your morning cup of coffee yet, it is entirely too early for this! You rapidly turn stations. The R&B Oldies station is playing the upbeat, “How Will I Know” Whitney Houston dance tune from the 1980’s. The Country station is playing Leann Rimes’ “I Need You,” meanwhile, the R&B/Hip Hop station is playing LL Cool J’s “I Need Love.”
Let’s face it, the subject of love is everywhere. It’s the main topic of discussion in all genres of music, including rhythm and blues, jazz, country, rock, hip hop, alternative, reggae, and world music, (just to name a few). Love is in what we read, from self help books, to newspaper columns, to novels, and poetry. It’s what we watch on television; whether it be the subject of talk shows, reality shows, or fictional television series’. Love is definitely on the big screen. Even in movies that are action packed dramas, there is often times a subtle, non-threatening love story attached to it. The idea of love is extremely pervasive in world culture, and has been since the beginning of ancient time.
Why is it, that love is the main theme in so many creative outlets?
Could it be the all of us, or at least 92% of us, have felt or want to feel the true magnitude of what it means to love? Perhaps, we’re conditioned to be in search of finding love, falling in love, and living happily ever after, in love, of course. This undoubtedly leads us to the, not one, but two million dollar question of the day!
Research
What is love?
I decided to see what Mr. Webster had to say about this concept of love. Mr. Webster, in 2002 during his “New World” era, states that love is a “1.) Strong affection or liking for someone or something,” “2.) A passionate affection of one person for another.” In addition to this, other sources attempt to define love as “the love of God; God is love” or love “encompasses a sexual passion and deep friendship.” Do these definitions legitimately define love accurately? These explanations of love are vague, at best. The definitions are nice, but don’t accurately include everything that embodies the meaning of love.
So, I suppose we’re back to the drawing board. Let’s review a couple of pieces of literature or text that might provide us with another level of understanding love. Below are two poems, by two well-known authors, none other than Elizabeth Barrett Browning and William Shakespeare.
Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer’s Day?
(William Shakespeare)
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May;And summer's lease hath all too short a date.Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;And every fair from fair sometime declines,By chance, or nature's changing course untrimm'd;But thy eternal summer shall not fade,Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;Nor shall Death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,When in eternal lines to time thou grow'stSo long as men can breathe or eyes can see,So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
How Do I Love Thee
(Elizabeth Barrett Browning)
How Do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’sc
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as the turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Discussion
What exactly do you think when you read this two poems? Or perhaps an even better question is, how do you feel (since love is a “feeling” or emotion) when you read these two classic poems?
I’m sure most would agree that one or both of these poems suggest a certain high level of emotional intensity and deep care (for the person to whom the poem is written for). I would also go out on a limb and say that it’s possible that most would identify these two poems as having positive “love” ideas and “love” feelings attached to them. Most readers might also suggest that Shakespeare and Barrett-Browning are probably “in love” (with the person that they are writing about).
Which brings me to another question, what does it mean to be “in love” with someone? Are there certain side effects in which you can tell whether or not you’ve been hit with the ever-changing love bug? And, more importantly, to love someone, is that the same as being “in love” with a person? You must admit, these are some pretty good, loaded questions!
I definitely believe there’s a difference between loving someone and being “in love” with them. I think it’s completely possible to love a person and not be “in love” with them. However, when it comes to a romantic relationship, most often when someone says, “I love you,” (for the first time) 9 times out of 10 what they are really saying is “I’m IN love with you.”
On the other hand, there is the rare occasion, when a couple is in a romantic relationship, and the first “I love you” is not to be translated as “I’m IN love you,” and they really mean “I love you.” However, I would definitely argue this is very much so not the norm. I would probably go so far as to say that this happens, with less than 15% of couples. I think often times people actually love their partner, far before they ever choose to verbalize it.
Research
In my quest to attempting to gain a deeper understanding of love, I discovered this very interesting statement by author, Lafcadio Hearn.
In almost every life there is a time when we care for only one person, and suffer much for that person’s sake; yet in that period we do not care whether we suffer or die, and in after life, when we look back at those hours of youth, we wonder at the way in which we then felt.
(p.15) (Appreciations of Poetry, 1916; the Chapter “On Love in English Poetry” by Lafcadio Hearn)
Discussion
What do you think about this statement? I found this statement to be both intriguing and sincerely genuine from the writer, himself. In many ways, he has incorporated a sense of his own personal experience, in addition to considering the literature of many Romantic poets.
I would argue this comment discusses the notion of what it means to be “in love” with someone. The sense of deep care and large degree of passion, suggests a high level of emotionally charged feelings surrounding love.
Research
Religious Text/Scriptures:
· Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs.”
· Proverbs 14:17 “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.”
· Proverbs 20:6 “Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?”
Discussion
Many people turn to various forms of religious scripture for answers to questions. So, that being the case, do you think this provides us with any more information about love? Does it resolve this mystery?
I found that it actually enticed more questions than answers. Because so many things are open to interpretation by the reader, all of the research (religious texts, poetry, personal experience comments, etc.) all raised more questions about love than solving any of the mysteries that are surrounded by this complex phenomenon.
Results & Discussion
So, it appears that I am once again, back to square one. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that love is, in actuality a deep, inexplicable puzzle. It’s open to interpretation and means different things to different people. It means different sacrifices to different people. It goes back to an age old, manipulative saying, “If you love me, then you will… (Do what I ask).” But, really, love is ambiguous, unclear, and undefined. Love is a mystery.
I know what love means to me, finally (after going on this deeply exhaustive journey). Love requires a deep level of selflessness and vulnerability. I think a rift in one’s emotional and spiritual self can lead to a loss of hope, faith, and love. Love can be a medicine to heal one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual scars (from their past). It requires a person to “open” their heart and allow themselves the ability to experience such an intense emotion.
I think it is very difficult for most people to “really” love. Vulnerability and selflessness are not two characteristics that people have an easy time handling. Most people have experienced a grave degree of pain in their life which makes it difficult to love, or difficult to love again. It’s amazing how much our family lives shape us as adults. One’s first encounter with love is with their parents and/or siblings. One’s first encounter with romantic love or the state of being “in love” is by witnessing or not witnessing their parent’s relationship(s). These relationships that we witness as children are healthy, unhealthy, or nonexistent, and they affect us later on in our own adult love relationships.
I think it’s important for us to understand our past love relationships and how they affect us, our partners, our children, our families, our friends, even our work/business relationships. It is only then, that we will have the ability to mend the broken bonds that have wounded us in our social lives, and really learn to love. I do believe that we can all really learn to love, and “love” in a healthy, fulfilling, and positive way.
Music Selections
As always, I must include love songs, below are several musical selections to bring delicious music to your ears! However, I decided to do something a little differently. This week is “Take Your Musical Pick.” Decide who sang it better! (There are several songs in which there is the original and a remake.) Who do you like better? Feel free to post your comments below!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz2cUX0CNA8 The Artist: Foreigner ;The Song: I Want to Know What Love Is (Original) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7IhKwvQuGA The Artist: Mariah Carey (Remake)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuZO1iT4kD0 The Artist: Dolly Parton; The Song: I Will Always Love You (Original) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGC003Xz3CY The Artist: Whitney Houston (Remake)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wANfZoE5x_I The Artist: Roberta Flack; The Song: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (Original) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv1cHzPp4-U The Artist: Celine Dion (Remake)
Live Performances! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X35Mundp3j4 The Artist: Lionel Richie & Diana Ross: The Song: Endless Love (Original) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO4tH7kGD_Y&feature=related The Artists: Mariah Carey & Luther Vandross (Remake)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUittJXChGY A 5 min video of the top 20 Love Songs of All time. Enjoy!
Questions, Comments, Ideas to the Reader:
Consequently, I want to hear from you!
· What is love?
· What does it mean to be “in love?”
· Why is love the main topic of discussion (in music, television, film, poetry, books, etc.)?
· Any experiences you’re willing to share about love?
· What about a “first love” versus later “loves?”
Post your comments on this page! I look forward to reading them and I’m sure others will too! Ready, Set, Share!!!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Time ≤ Timing
It’s 8:07 A.M., traffic is horrendous, I overslept by ½ hour, and I’m already seven minutes late for an appointment that I’ve been waiting to have for three weeks now! I’m not only always on time, I’m always early! However, as I make my way into the crowded office building, the C.E.O. of the largest, most successful television network bumps into me. He quickly apologizes and compliments me on my briefcase. We end up briefly chatting and sharing an elevator together, but inevitably are going to different floors. He hands me his crisp, weighted business card and tells me to call if there’s anything he can do to assist me.
Wow! What an amazing chance encounter, which most certainly wouldn’t have happened had I been the usual 20 minutes early for my business appointment. Whether we’re early, late, or are fortunate enough to be punctual, every aspect of our highly developed existence is dependent on some form of time.
So, I got to thinking about not only time, but timing. Doesn’t timing inevitably have everything and nothing to with life? I mean, if it weren’t for timing, would any of us really be exactly who we are today? Would we have experienced all of the many gifts and challenges that life has dealt us?
Life is filled with a variety of both understandable and inexplicable circumstances. The people that come into and leave our lives at certain times and the unusual life altering situations that each and every one of us experiences play a role in the shaping of the kind of person that we are. Nevertheless, all of this is somehow associated with timing.
I can recall a very good friend, telling me when I was in college, that her mother used to tell her that “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” and I must say, I’ve always liked that saying and thought it to be profoundly beautiful and accurate. When you really think about it, everyone isn’t meant to be in your life forever. If you reminisce about childhood friends, high school sweethearts, college heartthrobs, and the mesmerizing number of people that come into our lives, very rarely do people stay longer for the play than Acts I or II.
Perhaps, it really is true. Maybe, the paths of the people we cross are meant to teach us something, hence the “reason” they’re in our life, to aid in the discovery of an important lesson, a skill, an emotion, or a message. As a potential consequence, an even smaller number of people are supposed to spend “a season” with us. Who’s to say how long the season will be, it could me months, years, even decades. Then, there’s those extremely rare individuals who are supposed to spend “a lifetime together,” usually close siblings, our children, or devoted friends with which we are to experience youth, life, and age with. This saying is very much so encapsulated with the very essence of time and timing being at its core.
Even if you think about the future, like where you want to be in five years, what you want to have accomplished, what you want your life to look like (whether it be from the perspective of your career or family, such as married with children), isn’t some of it contingent upon timing? I mean, even if you’re working rigorously towards something, it doesn’t always mean that you’re going to see the results that you want, when you want, right? But, that doesn’t mean you don’t stop working towards whatever your dream, passion, or goal is. It just means that it’s not quite time, yet.
It’s very intriguing to me, because people are always saying things like “You have to take it one day at a time,” but what exactly does that mean? Okay, okay, okay. So, of course, it means the obvious, you can’t rush into things too fast; you have to allow things to take its natural course. I also think this saying suggests people to slow down a little bit, and attempt to live in the moment as opposed to living in the future.
As I make my way into attempting to understand the magnitude and relevance of time and timing, I can’t help but think that simultaneously they are both so connected and so far apart. When the question of time is brought to the forefront, it has a most tangible, concrete undertone present. For example, what time is it? It is 12:30 P.M., and the company picnic was rained out.
However, when the question of timing is evaluated, it tends to have a more abstract, conceptual ring to it. The timing for his promotion was all wrong due to the extreme departmental budget cuts. The very nature of timing tends to have the ability to invoke greater emotional, intellectual, and spiritual discussion.
Even after all of this investigative dialogue, I have one question to pose to you…How and what does time and timing have to do with our lives?
Now on to the music selections for this article,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJ5LmQmQZqg (The Song: Time after Time; The Artist: Cyndi Lauper. This song has been remade so many times over, that it’s amazing. Definitely a classic song about time.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKXEbSpmpDw (The Song: Til the End of Time; The Artist: Justin Timberlake. This song links time and love together. A very nice soothing feel to this song. Enjoy!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpmILPAcRQo (The Song: Time of my Life; Theme Song from Dirty Dancing. Another classic song that addresses both time and timing!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrNoDUblAtE (The Song: Better in Time; The Artist: Leona Lewis. A great song about how things actually get better in time, and inevitably timing has everything to do with this!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDxsM5jLNxM (The Song: Remember the Time; The Artist: Michael Jackson. This music collection wouldn’t be complete with one from the King of Pop!)
Wow! What an amazing chance encounter, which most certainly wouldn’t have happened had I been the usual 20 minutes early for my business appointment. Whether we’re early, late, or are fortunate enough to be punctual, every aspect of our highly developed existence is dependent on some form of time.
So, I got to thinking about not only time, but timing. Doesn’t timing inevitably have everything and nothing to with life? I mean, if it weren’t for timing, would any of us really be exactly who we are today? Would we have experienced all of the many gifts and challenges that life has dealt us?
Life is filled with a variety of both understandable and inexplicable circumstances. The people that come into and leave our lives at certain times and the unusual life altering situations that each and every one of us experiences play a role in the shaping of the kind of person that we are. Nevertheless, all of this is somehow associated with timing.
I can recall a very good friend, telling me when I was in college, that her mother used to tell her that “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” and I must say, I’ve always liked that saying and thought it to be profoundly beautiful and accurate. When you really think about it, everyone isn’t meant to be in your life forever. If you reminisce about childhood friends, high school sweethearts, college heartthrobs, and the mesmerizing number of people that come into our lives, very rarely do people stay longer for the play than Acts I or II.
Perhaps, it really is true. Maybe, the paths of the people we cross are meant to teach us something, hence the “reason” they’re in our life, to aid in the discovery of an important lesson, a skill, an emotion, or a message. As a potential consequence, an even smaller number of people are supposed to spend “a season” with us. Who’s to say how long the season will be, it could me months, years, even decades. Then, there’s those extremely rare individuals who are supposed to spend “a lifetime together,” usually close siblings, our children, or devoted friends with which we are to experience youth, life, and age with. This saying is very much so encapsulated with the very essence of time and timing being at its core.
Even if you think about the future, like where you want to be in five years, what you want to have accomplished, what you want your life to look like (whether it be from the perspective of your career or family, such as married with children), isn’t some of it contingent upon timing? I mean, even if you’re working rigorously towards something, it doesn’t always mean that you’re going to see the results that you want, when you want, right? But, that doesn’t mean you don’t stop working towards whatever your dream, passion, or goal is. It just means that it’s not quite time, yet.
It’s very intriguing to me, because people are always saying things like “You have to take it one day at a time,” but what exactly does that mean? Okay, okay, okay. So, of course, it means the obvious, you can’t rush into things too fast; you have to allow things to take its natural course. I also think this saying suggests people to slow down a little bit, and attempt to live in the moment as opposed to living in the future.
As I make my way into attempting to understand the magnitude and relevance of time and timing, I can’t help but think that simultaneously they are both so connected and so far apart. When the question of time is brought to the forefront, it has a most tangible, concrete undertone present. For example, what time is it? It is 12:30 P.M., and the company picnic was rained out.
However, when the question of timing is evaluated, it tends to have a more abstract, conceptual ring to it. The timing for his promotion was all wrong due to the extreme departmental budget cuts. The very nature of timing tends to have the ability to invoke greater emotional, intellectual, and spiritual discussion.
Even after all of this investigative dialogue, I have one question to pose to you…How and what does time and timing have to do with our lives?
Now on to the music selections for this article,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJ5LmQmQZqg (The Song: Time after Time; The Artist: Cyndi Lauper. This song has been remade so many times over, that it’s amazing. Definitely a classic song about time.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKXEbSpmpDw (The Song: Til the End of Time; The Artist: Justin Timberlake. This song links time and love together. A very nice soothing feel to this song. Enjoy!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpmILPAcRQo (The Song: Time of my Life; Theme Song from Dirty Dancing. Another classic song that addresses both time and timing!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrNoDUblAtE (The Song: Better in Time; The Artist: Leona Lewis. A great song about how things actually get better in time, and inevitably timing has everything to do with this!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDxsM5jLNxM (The Song: Remember the Time; The Artist: Michael Jackson. This music collection wouldn’t be complete with one from the King of Pop!)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Beauty, Lies, & Videotape
As I flip through the pages of the latest issue of Elle Magazine, I am bombarded with countless images of gorgeous slender women, strikingly beautiful blue eyes, and long cascading blonde hair.
“Wow! She’s really pretty,” I think to myself. As I’m sure the millions of people with whom this magazine will be circulated will also believe this same notion.
As I continue to turn the lightly-fragranced pages, advertising the latest new, hip, and trendy perfume, I continue to see more and more really pretty girls. “Her red hair is so bright and vibrant, complemented by her freckled nose,” “She looks really exotic and atypical,” I say to myself. I then come across a brunette on page 139, who I’m sure is every man’s dream! She’s slender, has a gorgeous bone structure, and a nice inviting girl-next-door smile. I’m sure ALL the guys love her!
As I continue to flip through the ads and shortly briefed articles, I finally arrive at a make-up advertisement that has a pretty Latina woman with jet black, curly hair, pink full lips, and a deeply penetrating gaze. Not too far behind, on page 202, there’s another woman of color, a very pretty Black woman that has dark brown hair, a nice slender physique, and dark brown eyes showing off her award winning smile as she attempts to convince the reader to invest in a box of hair color highlights.
So, what does all of this mean? Are there hidden (or perhaps, not-so-hidden) beauty messages that are being disseminated to the reader as they read magazines?
There is undeniably a narrow standard of beauty that is not only evident in print publications, but is pervasive everywhere, including: television commercials, advertising and marketing themes, and let’s not forget most aspects of the entertainment/television industry. Now, with the presence of popular culture continuously evolving we have witnessed the incorporation of different images of beauty (which include women of color, Black, Asian, and Latinas).
However, there are many standards that hold true, as to what is perceived as being attractive, beautiful, or desirable across racial and ethnic lines. So, what are the non-negotiable elements when it comes to being perceived as beautiful today? Is there a certain “invisible criteria” that exists when trying to figure who or what considered to be beautiful? Is there, indeed, a standard of beauty in our culture?
Questions, questions, and more questions!
Let me first acknowledge that “true beauty” is, without a doubt, in the eye of the beholder. As with anything, especially when it comes to analyzing things like beauty, or something that requires a certain level of perception, there is definitely a high level of subjectivity involved. What one person thinks is beautiful, or nice, or attractive, another person may totally disagree with. On the other hand, one must admit that there are certain widely accepted stipulations when it comes to a traditional standard of beauty.
Now, one could go into all of the individualized, segmented details as to what fits into the narrow category of what or who is to be considered beautiful. Long hair vs. short hair, light-colored eyes vs. dark colored eyes, thin lips vs. fuller lips, narrow eyes vs. wider eyes, Black vs. White, and the list goes on and on.
Nevertheless, if we were to cast these details to the side for a moment, the largest indicator of what fits into what is “traditionally” beautiful would have to deal with the attractiveness of a woman’s physical body. Let’s face it; very rarely do you see a full-figured woman that’s considered to be the epitome of what is beautiful in a particular ad or presentation in popular media. What’s considered to be beautiful is usually taller vs. shorter and slimmer vs. bigger.
The messages that women are bombarded with on a daily basis are both rigid and contradictory. A woman is expected to be tall and regal, but not too tall (because if that’s the case, you’re some kind of giraffe or something)! A woman is expected to be slim, but not too skinny. She’s expected to have curves, but not too many curves (because then, clearly, you’re just a cheeseburger away from being fat)! She is expected to be independent, but not too independent (because if that’s the case she’ll never be able to get a man). She’s expected to be sexy, but not too sexy (or clearly she’s a whore, hoe, or slut)! And, I promise you, this list is definitely never-ending! Geez! It’s a tad bit overwhelming, don’t you think?!
All of these things that we tell our women, have a psychological effect on the way women perceive themselves. This has a lot to do with the reasons why many women have problems such as: eating disorders, severe cases of depression, along with self esteem and worthiness issues. According to the South Carolina Department of Health, over 8 million Americans have eating disorders (7 million being women, and 1 million being men). In addition to this, 20% of people suffering from anorexia will die prematurely from complications because of their illness (such as heart problems or suicide). Perhaps, it’s just me, or something, but I found this to be alarming, sad, and infuriating all at the same time!
So, how can we begin to address these kinds of issues? Eating disorders, depression, self-esteem issues, high rates of suicide all stem from some lack of self-love. Perhaps, the media contributes to this unrealistic beauty notion, and in many ways popular culture buys into these demented views of superficiality that are supposed to somehow reflect what is considered attractive, beautiful, and desirable.
The one thing that a woman could do to address these kinds of issues is to attempt learn and love herself, “flaws” and all. By surrounding yourself with people that will love and accept you unconditionally, you will begin to learn that you are, in fact, fine the way you are! I think many people would be surprised, but confidence goes a long way! When you’ve found a sound level of internal confidence within yourself, people around you are also able to detect that positive energy.
Growing up, my dad used to always tell me that “beauty is inner and pretty is outer.” And, what can I say? I totally agree with my wise old man! What matters is how you treat the people around you, the way you conduct yourself in the social world, and the inner qualities that make you uniquely special. Of course, this is not to say that people will not judge you on your external qualities, but for you to understand that your internal qualities are the primary indicators of your future success in life.
Dedicated to, Inspired by, and written for all of the beautiful women everywhere! From the beautiful women found in the widely populated places of China, Japan, and the Koreas, to the unconventional and progressive women in Europe (Germany, France, Italy, Spain…), to the beautiful women in the smoldering heat of Africa, to the diversely beautiful women that reside in Latin America (Mexico, Costa Rica, The Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Cuba …), and of course the beautiful women found in the United States, and Canada! This article is really for women everywhere!
For the love of music! I hope you enjoy the songs selected for this article! They were selected with calculated precision! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYQX8J-FFo (The Song: Beautiful; The Artist: Christina Aguilera) The classic and inspirational song for describing what is beautiful! From the inside out! One of my favorites!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF1mGXCiAb8&feature=related (The Song: The Beauty in Ugly; The Artist: Jason Mraz). I only recently discovered this song, as I was brainstorming and researching songs about beauty. And, I absolutely love it!! Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5Cvq416zuQ (The Song: Beauty and the Beast, The Artist: Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson). One can totally relive their childhood with this theme song from the animated movie, Beauty and the Beast!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64meUVyq7jk&feature=fvst (The Song: Beautiful Girls; The Artist: Sean Kingston). Undoubtedly a fun song that is youthful and full of life as it discusses the subject of beauty.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X341gDmnxaE (The Song: Flaws and All; The Artist: Beyonce). Another one of my favorites! As it discusses finding someone who accepts you as you are, which in essence is true beauty!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89GB7z_Ogt0 (The Song: Big Girl (You are Beautiful); The Artist: Mika). What an interesting video that I came across! However, I do like the message of the song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eqn715zIgsI&NR=1 . (The Song: Beautiful Girl; The Artist: Michael Jackson). Love and Beauty, Michael Style! So, I totally had to include a Michael Jackson song, that wasn’t one of his more popular ones, but definitely nice & smooth!
“Wow! She’s really pretty,” I think to myself. As I’m sure the millions of people with whom this magazine will be circulated will also believe this same notion.
As I continue to turn the lightly-fragranced pages, advertising the latest new, hip, and trendy perfume, I continue to see more and more really pretty girls. “Her red hair is so bright and vibrant, complemented by her freckled nose,” “She looks really exotic and atypical,” I say to myself. I then come across a brunette on page 139, who I’m sure is every man’s dream! She’s slender, has a gorgeous bone structure, and a nice inviting girl-next-door smile. I’m sure ALL the guys love her!
As I continue to flip through the ads and shortly briefed articles, I finally arrive at a make-up advertisement that has a pretty Latina woman with jet black, curly hair, pink full lips, and a deeply penetrating gaze. Not too far behind, on page 202, there’s another woman of color, a very pretty Black woman that has dark brown hair, a nice slender physique, and dark brown eyes showing off her award winning smile as she attempts to convince the reader to invest in a box of hair color highlights.
So, what does all of this mean? Are there hidden (or perhaps, not-so-hidden) beauty messages that are being disseminated to the reader as they read magazines?
There is undeniably a narrow standard of beauty that is not only evident in print publications, but is pervasive everywhere, including: television commercials, advertising and marketing themes, and let’s not forget most aspects of the entertainment/television industry. Now, with the presence of popular culture continuously evolving we have witnessed the incorporation of different images of beauty (which include women of color, Black, Asian, and Latinas).
However, there are many standards that hold true, as to what is perceived as being attractive, beautiful, or desirable across racial and ethnic lines. So, what are the non-negotiable elements when it comes to being perceived as beautiful today? Is there a certain “invisible criteria” that exists when trying to figure who or what considered to be beautiful? Is there, indeed, a standard of beauty in our culture?
Questions, questions, and more questions!
Let me first acknowledge that “true beauty” is, without a doubt, in the eye of the beholder. As with anything, especially when it comes to analyzing things like beauty, or something that requires a certain level of perception, there is definitely a high level of subjectivity involved. What one person thinks is beautiful, or nice, or attractive, another person may totally disagree with. On the other hand, one must admit that there are certain widely accepted stipulations when it comes to a traditional standard of beauty.
Now, one could go into all of the individualized, segmented details as to what fits into the narrow category of what or who is to be considered beautiful. Long hair vs. short hair, light-colored eyes vs. dark colored eyes, thin lips vs. fuller lips, narrow eyes vs. wider eyes, Black vs. White, and the list goes on and on.
Nevertheless, if we were to cast these details to the side for a moment, the largest indicator of what fits into what is “traditionally” beautiful would have to deal with the attractiveness of a woman’s physical body. Let’s face it; very rarely do you see a full-figured woman that’s considered to be the epitome of what is beautiful in a particular ad or presentation in popular media. What’s considered to be beautiful is usually taller vs. shorter and slimmer vs. bigger.
The messages that women are bombarded with on a daily basis are both rigid and contradictory. A woman is expected to be tall and regal, but not too tall (because if that’s the case, you’re some kind of giraffe or something)! A woman is expected to be slim, but not too skinny. She’s expected to have curves, but not too many curves (because then, clearly, you’re just a cheeseburger away from being fat)! She is expected to be independent, but not too independent (because if that’s the case she’ll never be able to get a man). She’s expected to be sexy, but not too sexy (or clearly she’s a whore, hoe, or slut)! And, I promise you, this list is definitely never-ending! Geez! It’s a tad bit overwhelming, don’t you think?!
All of these things that we tell our women, have a psychological effect on the way women perceive themselves. This has a lot to do with the reasons why many women have problems such as: eating disorders, severe cases of depression, along with self esteem and worthiness issues. According to the South Carolina Department of Health, over 8 million Americans have eating disorders (7 million being women, and 1 million being men). In addition to this, 20% of people suffering from anorexia will die prematurely from complications because of their illness (such as heart problems or suicide). Perhaps, it’s just me, or something, but I found this to be alarming, sad, and infuriating all at the same time!
So, how can we begin to address these kinds of issues? Eating disorders, depression, self-esteem issues, high rates of suicide all stem from some lack of self-love. Perhaps, the media contributes to this unrealistic beauty notion, and in many ways popular culture buys into these demented views of superficiality that are supposed to somehow reflect what is considered attractive, beautiful, and desirable.
The one thing that a woman could do to address these kinds of issues is to attempt learn and love herself, “flaws” and all. By surrounding yourself with people that will love and accept you unconditionally, you will begin to learn that you are, in fact, fine the way you are! I think many people would be surprised, but confidence goes a long way! When you’ve found a sound level of internal confidence within yourself, people around you are also able to detect that positive energy.
Growing up, my dad used to always tell me that “beauty is inner and pretty is outer.” And, what can I say? I totally agree with my wise old man! What matters is how you treat the people around you, the way you conduct yourself in the social world, and the inner qualities that make you uniquely special. Of course, this is not to say that people will not judge you on your external qualities, but for you to understand that your internal qualities are the primary indicators of your future success in life.
Dedicated to, Inspired by, and written for all of the beautiful women everywhere! From the beautiful women found in the widely populated places of China, Japan, and the Koreas, to the unconventional and progressive women in Europe (Germany, France, Italy, Spain…), to the beautiful women in the smoldering heat of Africa, to the diversely beautiful women that reside in Latin America (Mexico, Costa Rica, The Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Cuba …), and of course the beautiful women found in the United States, and Canada! This article is really for women everywhere!
For the love of music! I hope you enjoy the songs selected for this article! They were selected with calculated precision! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYQX8J-FFo (The Song: Beautiful; The Artist: Christina Aguilera) The classic and inspirational song for describing what is beautiful! From the inside out! One of my favorites!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF1mGXCiAb8&feature=related (The Song: The Beauty in Ugly; The Artist: Jason Mraz). I only recently discovered this song, as I was brainstorming and researching songs about beauty. And, I absolutely love it!! Check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5Cvq416zuQ (The Song: Beauty and the Beast, The Artist: Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson). One can totally relive their childhood with this theme song from the animated movie, Beauty and the Beast!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64meUVyq7jk&feature=fvst (The Song: Beautiful Girls; The Artist: Sean Kingston). Undoubtedly a fun song that is youthful and full of life as it discusses the subject of beauty.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X341gDmnxaE (The Song: Flaws and All; The Artist: Beyonce). Another one of my favorites! As it discusses finding someone who accepts you as you are, which in essence is true beauty!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89GB7z_Ogt0 (The Song: Big Girl (You are Beautiful); The Artist: Mika). What an interesting video that I came across! However, I do like the message of the song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eqn715zIgsI&NR=1 . (The Song: Beautiful Girl; The Artist: Michael Jackson). Love and Beauty, Michael Style! So, I totally had to include a Michael Jackson song, that wasn’t one of his more popular ones, but definitely nice & smooth!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Let the Rat Race Begin!
“I am terribly miserable at my job!” “I mean, I absolutely HATE IT!!” the young 25 year old business professional exclaims to his close friend of seven years.
“I have no sense of creativity or input into the company I work for,” “It’s actually pretty bad when you think about it,” he says as he solemnly shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders.
I’m sure most people would envy being in a position like this, especially being in their twenty’s, single, no children, college educated, and living in a major metropolitan city like New York, Atlanta, or Chicago. The job has a nice fancy title, like “Business Analyst” or “Business Consultant,” and the opportunity to make $60,000+ per year, I mean, what could possibly be wrong?
So, I guess it’s inevitable that we must all eventually grow up, work a bland 9 to 5 job, while we anxiously await our two weeks of paid vacation that we so desperately look forward to every year. Right? Well, maybe not all of us, but, most of us will, if we’re lucky enough to secure job stability with health benefits and a financial vehicle to maintain a sense of attempting to live the “American dream.”
As for the American work culture, we work long, exhausting hours, with a marginal amount of paid vacation time and sick leave, with very little room for advancement in the companies that we are employed by. Ready, set, go! Let the “rat race” begin!
Now, I’m sure many of you are wondering, what’s “rat race?” A rat race is often described as a “mad scramble or an intense competitive struggle, such as in the business world.” Other sources describe a rat race as “an activity or situation which is congested with participants and is very hectic or tedious, especially in the context of a busy modern lifestyle.” More traditional sources define a rat race as “an endless, self-defeating or pointless pursuit as in the futile efforts of a lab rat trying to escape, but ultimately achieves nothing meaningful.”
Most Americans work a “dead-end” job that allows for limited progression. It doesn’t really matter if you are working at a fast food-restaurant, a retail job or a Fortune 500 company. The results are the same. You begin with a position in the company and if you’re lucky, you’re able to progress within a few positions above where you started. Then finally, you hit the ceiling of your company. There’s no more room for upward growth.
Ultimately, this translates to large numbers of dissatisfied workers within all sectors of the American work world. However, the research shows that business owners and entrepreneurs tend to have more positive associations with work, than non-business owners. This is probably the case because entrepreneurs are usually doing something that they genuinely love, they are allotted creative control within their company, and possess the ability to make decisions about the direction in which the company is going to develop.
Now, getting back to the millions of Americans that are extremely displeased with their work situation, what exactly are the effects? One thing for sure, is that people are dealing with increased levels of stress and even depression. It’s always been thought that people go through a mid-life crisis somewhere around their 40’s (but sometimes a little earlier, perhaps in their late 30’s or even a little later as in their 50’s). However, one may find that younger and younger adults are experiencing this mid-life crisis, or perhaps it should be called the “quarter-life crisis.”
The notion of a mid-life crisis was coined by Dr. Carl Jung, a well known psychologist, which described this brief life stage as being a natural, maturing process in which the person begins to experience a wide range of feelings. One of the common themes is a feeling of discontent with their life, feelings of unhappiness regarding different activities that used to make them happy, and a sense of confusion about who you are and where you are going with your life.
If one examines the idea that this is occurring more and more frequently in younger adults, this strongly suggests that external circumstances (job, work environment, etc.) are beginning to play an even larger role in how our mind and body responds to such situations. The increased levels of stress, the suffering of mild and moderate levels of depression, coupled with the difficult challenges of people trying to carve their way through their professional, social, and romantic worlds can make for a rather interesting rollercoaster ride, called “Life.”
Now, how exactly does one deal with the challenging mental stressors of the “rat race?” How do you move past the mid-life or the quarter-life crisis? How do we regain a sense of positive life control when our world is spiraling in complete chaos?
You know, I’m not sure if anyone really has the answer to these complex questions. However, the only purely genuine answer that I can come up with has to do with a person continuously trying to journey down their own path of self discovery. I think one must go back to basics. What brings true delight in your life? What are some tangible things that contribute to your overall happiness? Are there certain people in your life that are a consistent source of light for you?
Perhaps, taking the time to reevaluate our life priorities might provide us with the steps necessary to deal with the stresses of the “rat race.” In addition to this, finding a job, career, or occupation that brings us a sense of joy and fulfillment will make it easier to cope with all of the negative aspects of our strenuous work culture. According to Norman Peale, “a life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress is the easiest type of existence,” and this inner peace actually has the ability to alleviate life’s stressful situations.
This article is inspired by, dedicated to, and written for my dear friend, DeNorris Johnson. I love you!
As for the song choice for this article, I hope you enjoy the music selection!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmLedW-YYfE (The Song: Chain Gang; The Artist: Sam Cooke.) (I figured this song is nice representation of how stressful work can be! I’m sure many people believe that they in so many ways are “working on the chain gang!”)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVMhxqWVdqs (The Song: Work to Do; The Artist: Vanessa Williams.) (I really think this is a nice early 90’s song that discusses all of the work that has to be done, particularly from a female perspective.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGUsF-Whb1g (The Song: Everything is Everything; The Artist: Lauryn Hill) (One of my favorites and undoubtedly a beautifully classic song, that is inspirational about this life theme! Enjoy!)
“I have no sense of creativity or input into the company I work for,” “It’s actually pretty bad when you think about it,” he says as he solemnly shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders.
I’m sure most people would envy being in a position like this, especially being in their twenty’s, single, no children, college educated, and living in a major metropolitan city like New York, Atlanta, or Chicago. The job has a nice fancy title, like “Business Analyst” or “Business Consultant,” and the opportunity to make $60,000+ per year, I mean, what could possibly be wrong?
So, I guess it’s inevitable that we must all eventually grow up, work a bland 9 to 5 job, while we anxiously await our two weeks of paid vacation that we so desperately look forward to every year. Right? Well, maybe not all of us, but, most of us will, if we’re lucky enough to secure job stability with health benefits and a financial vehicle to maintain a sense of attempting to live the “American dream.”
As for the American work culture, we work long, exhausting hours, with a marginal amount of paid vacation time and sick leave, with very little room for advancement in the companies that we are employed by. Ready, set, go! Let the “rat race” begin!
Now, I’m sure many of you are wondering, what’s “rat race?” A rat race is often described as a “mad scramble or an intense competitive struggle, such as in the business world.” Other sources describe a rat race as “an activity or situation which is congested with participants and is very hectic or tedious, especially in the context of a busy modern lifestyle.” More traditional sources define a rat race as “an endless, self-defeating or pointless pursuit as in the futile efforts of a lab rat trying to escape, but ultimately achieves nothing meaningful.”
Most Americans work a “dead-end” job that allows for limited progression. It doesn’t really matter if you are working at a fast food-restaurant, a retail job or a Fortune 500 company. The results are the same. You begin with a position in the company and if you’re lucky, you’re able to progress within a few positions above where you started. Then finally, you hit the ceiling of your company. There’s no more room for upward growth.
Ultimately, this translates to large numbers of dissatisfied workers within all sectors of the American work world. However, the research shows that business owners and entrepreneurs tend to have more positive associations with work, than non-business owners. This is probably the case because entrepreneurs are usually doing something that they genuinely love, they are allotted creative control within their company, and possess the ability to make decisions about the direction in which the company is going to develop.
Now, getting back to the millions of Americans that are extremely displeased with their work situation, what exactly are the effects? One thing for sure, is that people are dealing with increased levels of stress and even depression. It’s always been thought that people go through a mid-life crisis somewhere around their 40’s (but sometimes a little earlier, perhaps in their late 30’s or even a little later as in their 50’s). However, one may find that younger and younger adults are experiencing this mid-life crisis, or perhaps it should be called the “quarter-life crisis.”
The notion of a mid-life crisis was coined by Dr. Carl Jung, a well known psychologist, which described this brief life stage as being a natural, maturing process in which the person begins to experience a wide range of feelings. One of the common themes is a feeling of discontent with their life, feelings of unhappiness regarding different activities that used to make them happy, and a sense of confusion about who you are and where you are going with your life.
If one examines the idea that this is occurring more and more frequently in younger adults, this strongly suggests that external circumstances (job, work environment, etc.) are beginning to play an even larger role in how our mind and body responds to such situations. The increased levels of stress, the suffering of mild and moderate levels of depression, coupled with the difficult challenges of people trying to carve their way through their professional, social, and romantic worlds can make for a rather interesting rollercoaster ride, called “Life.”
Now, how exactly does one deal with the challenging mental stressors of the “rat race?” How do you move past the mid-life or the quarter-life crisis? How do we regain a sense of positive life control when our world is spiraling in complete chaos?
You know, I’m not sure if anyone really has the answer to these complex questions. However, the only purely genuine answer that I can come up with has to do with a person continuously trying to journey down their own path of self discovery. I think one must go back to basics. What brings true delight in your life? What are some tangible things that contribute to your overall happiness? Are there certain people in your life that are a consistent source of light for you?
Perhaps, taking the time to reevaluate our life priorities might provide us with the steps necessary to deal with the stresses of the “rat race.” In addition to this, finding a job, career, or occupation that brings us a sense of joy and fulfillment will make it easier to cope with all of the negative aspects of our strenuous work culture. According to Norman Peale, “a life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress is the easiest type of existence,” and this inner peace actually has the ability to alleviate life’s stressful situations.
This article is inspired by, dedicated to, and written for my dear friend, DeNorris Johnson. I love you!
As for the song choice for this article, I hope you enjoy the music selection!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmLedW-YYfE (The Song: Chain Gang; The Artist: Sam Cooke.) (I figured this song is nice representation of how stressful work can be! I’m sure many people believe that they in so many ways are “working on the chain gang!”)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVMhxqWVdqs (The Song: Work to Do; The Artist: Vanessa Williams.) (I really think this is a nice early 90’s song that discusses all of the work that has to be done, particularly from a female perspective.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGUsF-Whb1g (The Song: Everything is Everything; The Artist: Lauryn Hill) (One of my favorites and undoubtedly a beautifully classic song, that is inspirational about this life theme! Enjoy!)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
No Worries! No Contracts! No Commitment!
Since when did our culture become virtually obsessed with being commitment-free? I mean, we can’t even commit to a phone service provider, a career occupation, our education, a dream, our faith, let alone another person. It’s as if this noncommittal attitude is quite normal and in many ways perceived as being acceptable in today’s American culture.
It’s amazing to contrast yesterday, as in decades ago, and today. Yesterday, it used to be quite common to find people that worked for the same company or in the same industry for 20+ years. Today this is ever so obsolete; the average American changes their job every 3-5 years. Now, of course, one could argue that there are a variety of reasons that contribute to this dramatic shift in the workplace. However, one cannot ignore the underlying commitment factor. People are “tired” of working the same job or for the same company and want a fresh start.
We know that increased education directly correlates to a higher quality of life. Nevertheless, we still witness high dropout rates in high school and college. Today, we just can’t seem to finish anything, whether it’s a higher education program course of study, our ability to value our commitment to one’s faith or our marriage that we so willingly stood before our partner, our family, loved ones, and God.
The exceedingly high divorce rate which continues to soar, the astronomically high rates of infidelity within marriages and committed relationships, and the ambiguousness of relationships between men and women that involve a sexual relationship without the commitment factor is definitive evidence that this is a major dilemma. How is it that we’ve accepted having all or most of the privileges of being in a committed relationship (like sex, children, living together, financial duties, etc.) without accepting the escalated level of commitment that is necessary in order to build and maintain a healthy relationship?
The fact that we have problems with commitment, especially in the since of long-term relationships and marriage, displays the true depth of our selfishness. We feel it’s okay to bailout when difficult times arise. It’s all about me, what I want, how I feel, and most importantly what’s best for me. Don’t we realize that when we make the choice, and it is indeed a choice, to embark on a romantic journey, that it is no longer about me! It is now that I have to consider another person’s needs, not just my own. I am forced to accept and care for our needs together.
A good friend once told me that the problem is, people always put the “me” before “we,” and he is absolutely right! I must admit, it comes almost natural, for people to put themselves before their partner or their relationship, at least in today’s culture. Our values have changed, we value being autonomous and independent more so than being compassionate and being concerned with the needs of others.
Now, I’m fully aware that sometimes it won’t work, due to excruciating circumstances, such as physical, mental, or emotional abuse within a committed relationship. Perhaps, reoccurring episodes of infidelity and dishonesty. However, more often than not, we simply give up. We decide that it’s just too hard and we can’t do it anymore. We don’t exhaust every measure possible to try to make it work, which often times would include seeking external help, such as marriage and relationship counseling, therapy, etc.
So, how do we begin to fix, what I call, the commitment crisis?
We must first be mindful of what it means to commit to something or someone. Commitment has everything to do with pledging yourself, your support, and your energy into a specific task, whether it is a relationship, a job, a dream, your education, or your faith. It is important for us to understand that this vow or promise should not be taken lightly. Commitment also stems from loyalty. If one is uncertain of what it takes to fulfill such an obligation, then one should investigate what it means and whether or not they have what it takes to be successful in their venture.
In many ways, it boils down to communication; being able to communicate your concerns, your fears, your questions, your feelings, your frustrations to your partner (if in a relationship) or someone that can aid you (if the problem is committing to your education, your dream, your faith, etc). Sometimes communication is difficult. Allowing ourselves to communicate our feelings often times leaves us in a state of vulnerability, though this extremely important if we plan on working through our unresolved commitment issues.
I’m sure everyone has something, and probably several things, that we can work on when it comes to commitment. I want to challenge everyone to at least three things in their life that they are going to strive to improve on when it comes to commitment, whether it’s your marriage or relationship, a friendship that needs more attention, if it’s school or education-related, or if it has something to do with your faith, a dream you have (that you haven’t fully committed to), or if it’s a lifestyle alteration (exercise, drinking more water, making healthier food choices, etc).
I want to encourage everyone that you do, indeed, have what it takes to commit to anything in your life that needs improvement, as long as you are open and receptive to positive growth and change! American novelist (1936), Tom Robbins suggests that you “stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach,” and I would argue then and only then will you not only be successful in your decisions but you will continue to experience true soulful growth as an individual.
- There are so many angles one could choose to go with the song selection for this article. I chose to provide a variety of songs that would reinforce the notion of commitment.
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkRSMaCjCjw (The Song: Closer; The Artist: Goapele. This song is about becoming closer to one’s dreams. It is only with a strong sense of commitment that one can achieve all of their heart’s dreams and desires.)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xno5jcx_z2I (The Song: Underappreciated; The Artist: Christina Aguilera. This song is about one’s frustrations in a committed, romantic relationship, and how she feels underappreciated after all of the efforts that she has exerted into this committed relationship. Make sure you check out the lyrics on the sidebar by clicking “more info”)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuTKD7_okUA (The Song: Commitment; The Artist: Leann Rimes. This song is about finding commitment in a romantic relationship.)
It’s amazing to contrast yesterday, as in decades ago, and today. Yesterday, it used to be quite common to find people that worked for the same company or in the same industry for 20+ years. Today this is ever so obsolete; the average American changes their job every 3-5 years. Now, of course, one could argue that there are a variety of reasons that contribute to this dramatic shift in the workplace. However, one cannot ignore the underlying commitment factor. People are “tired” of working the same job or for the same company and want a fresh start.
We know that increased education directly correlates to a higher quality of life. Nevertheless, we still witness high dropout rates in high school and college. Today, we just can’t seem to finish anything, whether it’s a higher education program course of study, our ability to value our commitment to one’s faith or our marriage that we so willingly stood before our partner, our family, loved ones, and God.
The exceedingly high divorce rate which continues to soar, the astronomically high rates of infidelity within marriages and committed relationships, and the ambiguousness of relationships between men and women that involve a sexual relationship without the commitment factor is definitive evidence that this is a major dilemma. How is it that we’ve accepted having all or most of the privileges of being in a committed relationship (like sex, children, living together, financial duties, etc.) without accepting the escalated level of commitment that is necessary in order to build and maintain a healthy relationship?
The fact that we have problems with commitment, especially in the since of long-term relationships and marriage, displays the true depth of our selfishness. We feel it’s okay to bailout when difficult times arise. It’s all about me, what I want, how I feel, and most importantly what’s best for me. Don’t we realize that when we make the choice, and it is indeed a choice, to embark on a romantic journey, that it is no longer about me! It is now that I have to consider another person’s needs, not just my own. I am forced to accept and care for our needs together.
A good friend once told me that the problem is, people always put the “me” before “we,” and he is absolutely right! I must admit, it comes almost natural, for people to put themselves before their partner or their relationship, at least in today’s culture. Our values have changed, we value being autonomous and independent more so than being compassionate and being concerned with the needs of others.
Now, I’m fully aware that sometimes it won’t work, due to excruciating circumstances, such as physical, mental, or emotional abuse within a committed relationship. Perhaps, reoccurring episodes of infidelity and dishonesty. However, more often than not, we simply give up. We decide that it’s just too hard and we can’t do it anymore. We don’t exhaust every measure possible to try to make it work, which often times would include seeking external help, such as marriage and relationship counseling, therapy, etc.
So, how do we begin to fix, what I call, the commitment crisis?
We must first be mindful of what it means to commit to something or someone. Commitment has everything to do with pledging yourself, your support, and your energy into a specific task, whether it is a relationship, a job, a dream, your education, or your faith. It is important for us to understand that this vow or promise should not be taken lightly. Commitment also stems from loyalty. If one is uncertain of what it takes to fulfill such an obligation, then one should investigate what it means and whether or not they have what it takes to be successful in their venture.
In many ways, it boils down to communication; being able to communicate your concerns, your fears, your questions, your feelings, your frustrations to your partner (if in a relationship) or someone that can aid you (if the problem is committing to your education, your dream, your faith, etc). Sometimes communication is difficult. Allowing ourselves to communicate our feelings often times leaves us in a state of vulnerability, though this extremely important if we plan on working through our unresolved commitment issues.
I’m sure everyone has something, and probably several things, that we can work on when it comes to commitment. I want to challenge everyone to at least three things in their life that they are going to strive to improve on when it comes to commitment, whether it’s your marriage or relationship, a friendship that needs more attention, if it’s school or education-related, or if it has something to do with your faith, a dream you have (that you haven’t fully committed to), or if it’s a lifestyle alteration (exercise, drinking more water, making healthier food choices, etc).
I want to encourage everyone that you do, indeed, have what it takes to commit to anything in your life that needs improvement, as long as you are open and receptive to positive growth and change! American novelist (1936), Tom Robbins suggests that you “stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach,” and I would argue then and only then will you not only be successful in your decisions but you will continue to experience true soulful growth as an individual.
- There are so many angles one could choose to go with the song selection for this article. I chose to provide a variety of songs that would reinforce the notion of commitment.
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkRSMaCjCjw (The Song: Closer; The Artist: Goapele. This song is about becoming closer to one’s dreams. It is only with a strong sense of commitment that one can achieve all of their heart’s dreams and desires.)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xno5jcx_z2I (The Song: Underappreciated; The Artist: Christina Aguilera. This song is about one’s frustrations in a committed, romantic relationship, and how she feels underappreciated after all of the efforts that she has exerted into this committed relationship. Make sure you check out the lyrics on the sidebar by clicking “more info”)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuTKD7_okUA (The Song: Commitment; The Artist: Leann Rimes. This song is about finding commitment in a romantic relationship.)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The N-Word ("Nigger") vs. the C-Word ("Cracker")--Are they Created Equal?
Disclaimer & Brief Note to the Reader: This article will investigate some sensitive ideas, concepts, and language that many people will find offensive as it relates to race relations. For the candid purpose of this article it is necessary to use and discuss this language without attempting to sensor it. It is my sincere hope that you will still continue to travel and take this challenging, and at some points uncomfortable journey with me as we might explore the question of race and racial oppression.
“Man, you ain’t nuthin but a cracker!” “A CRACKER!” “A CRACKER!” “You hear me!” The sixteen year old black male aggressively says, as he attempts to insight fear in his white counterpart at the lunchroom cafeteria.
For the ninth consecutive day, the fifteen year old white male from South Georgia has endured aggressive remarks from his schoolmate. After attempting to bottle up his emotions, he yells back, “You Nigger, You!” The cafeteria erupts in a tortured, unnerving silence.
Words like “cracker” and “nigger,” are filled with a great deal of hatred and negative energy. The discussion of racist, cruel language is necessary in order to provide clarity, seek understanding, and eventually end racially motivated offenses. Which brings up a rather interesting question, when it comes to racial slurs, and word s that are meant to intentionally offend, demean, and hurt another individual, are they all created equal?
Let’s first begin by examining what “Mr. Webster “has to say about these two words. According to Webster’s dictionary, the term “cracker” has several meanings, including: “a bragging liar,” “a dry thin crispy baked bread product,” “(usually disparaging) a poor usually Southern white,” and “(capitalized) a native or resident of Florida or Georgia—used as a nickname.” The term “nigger” is defined as “(usually offensive) a black person,” “a member of any dark-skinned race,” and “a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons.”
When attempting to understand the word “nigger,” one must be mindful of the extensive history that this word carries. It encompasses hundreds of years of enslaved individuals that were treated as property and second class citizens. The term was used by whites in power, as a derogatory expression to describe people of color (non-white), but specifically people of any type of African descent. As time progressed out of this troubling era of slavery, the word still managed to survive into the 1920’s, through the civil rights movement, and is still visibly present in 2009.
In attempting to gain an understanding of the word “cracker,” (as a hurtful, racial slur), is most often used by people of color when discussing whites in a condescending context. The term “cracker” is in many ways equated to “poor white trash” or the notion of “trailer trash” all of which have a stereotypically negative image associated with whites. This presents whites as being of low-class, unrefined, and “dirty.”
Which brings up the question, are these two damagingly harmful words created equal? Are they, indeed, the same thing?
Despite the fact, that both of these words have a wide range of similarities, they are not at all “equal” or the same. The words “nigger” and “cracker” when used are both highly offensive, intended to be harmful and demeaning, and ultimately are rooted in negativity and hatred. However, the severe difference between these two words, that must be acknowledged, is that the term “nigger” has an extensively oppressive history behind it. It was used by a group of people (whites) that had social, political, and economic power over blacks. That being said, when a person of power and privilege uses such a degrading term that goes back hundreds and hundreds of years ago, can it really be comparable to a word that was created as a reactionary measure by a group of people with no social, economic, or political power?
These two terms simply cannot equate to each other. No matter how much time has expired since the disproportionate era of excessive oppression (as in slavery), when whites choose to use the word “nigger” towards a black person, it simply cannot be understood that: “Nigger” = “Cracker.”
Now, I haven’t forgotten to examine the usage of the difference between “nigger” vs. “nigga,” however, that will embody quite another lengthy discussion, which I’m sure we will have in the near future.
The essential key to remember is that BOTH of these words are highly offensive, dreadfully insulting, and should NEVER be used! As we continue to move forward in the new millennium, and race relations begin to strengthen and get better, it’s important for people to be considerate of others. To treat someone differently because of their race (whether they are White or Black or Latino or Asian), because of their gender (whether it’s a man or a woman), because of their perceived class (and how much money they make or don’t make), or because of their sexual orientation (gay, straight, or bisexual) is wrong. Diversity is beautiful and should be celebrated. It is what makes our lives, relationships, and the world in which we live in uniquely exquisite. “We are of course a nation of differences. Those differences don’t make us weak. It is those differences that make us strong,” according to Jimmy Carter.
- Dedicated to and Inspired by Mrs. Emily Anne Smith and Ms. Mallory Dumford!! Inspired by our heartfelt conversations that never cease to exist! I love you very much! Emily and Mallory, I hope you will continue to share with me your meaningful experiences and your candid degree of insight as we continue to walk down this road we call life.
-I’m sure many may find this song choice a little cheesy, but I actually LOVE it!! It’s blissfully happy and celebrates diversity!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNCvdxyPplc (The Song: Ebony and Ivory; The Artists: Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder)
“Man, you ain’t nuthin but a cracker!” “A CRACKER!” “A CRACKER!” “You hear me!” The sixteen year old black male aggressively says, as he attempts to insight fear in his white counterpart at the lunchroom cafeteria.
For the ninth consecutive day, the fifteen year old white male from South Georgia has endured aggressive remarks from his schoolmate. After attempting to bottle up his emotions, he yells back, “You Nigger, You!” The cafeteria erupts in a tortured, unnerving silence.
Words like “cracker” and “nigger,” are filled with a great deal of hatred and negative energy. The discussion of racist, cruel language is necessary in order to provide clarity, seek understanding, and eventually end racially motivated offenses. Which brings up a rather interesting question, when it comes to racial slurs, and word s that are meant to intentionally offend, demean, and hurt another individual, are they all created equal?
Let’s first begin by examining what “Mr. Webster “has to say about these two words. According to Webster’s dictionary, the term “cracker” has several meanings, including: “a bragging liar,” “a dry thin crispy baked bread product,” “(usually disparaging) a poor usually Southern white,” and “(capitalized) a native or resident of Florida or Georgia—used as a nickname.” The term “nigger” is defined as “(usually offensive) a black person,” “a member of any dark-skinned race,” and “a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons.”
When attempting to understand the word “nigger,” one must be mindful of the extensive history that this word carries. It encompasses hundreds of years of enslaved individuals that were treated as property and second class citizens. The term was used by whites in power, as a derogatory expression to describe people of color (non-white), but specifically people of any type of African descent. As time progressed out of this troubling era of slavery, the word still managed to survive into the 1920’s, through the civil rights movement, and is still visibly present in 2009.
In attempting to gain an understanding of the word “cracker,” (as a hurtful, racial slur), is most often used by people of color when discussing whites in a condescending context. The term “cracker” is in many ways equated to “poor white trash” or the notion of “trailer trash” all of which have a stereotypically negative image associated with whites. This presents whites as being of low-class, unrefined, and “dirty.”
Which brings up the question, are these two damagingly harmful words created equal? Are they, indeed, the same thing?
Despite the fact, that both of these words have a wide range of similarities, they are not at all “equal” or the same. The words “nigger” and “cracker” when used are both highly offensive, intended to be harmful and demeaning, and ultimately are rooted in negativity and hatred. However, the severe difference between these two words, that must be acknowledged, is that the term “nigger” has an extensively oppressive history behind it. It was used by a group of people (whites) that had social, political, and economic power over blacks. That being said, when a person of power and privilege uses such a degrading term that goes back hundreds and hundreds of years ago, can it really be comparable to a word that was created as a reactionary measure by a group of people with no social, economic, or political power?
These two terms simply cannot equate to each other. No matter how much time has expired since the disproportionate era of excessive oppression (as in slavery), when whites choose to use the word “nigger” towards a black person, it simply cannot be understood that: “Nigger” = “Cracker.”
Now, I haven’t forgotten to examine the usage of the difference between “nigger” vs. “nigga,” however, that will embody quite another lengthy discussion, which I’m sure we will have in the near future.
The essential key to remember is that BOTH of these words are highly offensive, dreadfully insulting, and should NEVER be used! As we continue to move forward in the new millennium, and race relations begin to strengthen and get better, it’s important for people to be considerate of others. To treat someone differently because of their race (whether they are White or Black or Latino or Asian), because of their gender (whether it’s a man or a woman), because of their perceived class (and how much money they make or don’t make), or because of their sexual orientation (gay, straight, or bisexual) is wrong. Diversity is beautiful and should be celebrated. It is what makes our lives, relationships, and the world in which we live in uniquely exquisite. “We are of course a nation of differences. Those differences don’t make us weak. It is those differences that make us strong,” according to Jimmy Carter.
- Dedicated to and Inspired by Mrs. Emily Anne Smith and Ms. Mallory Dumford!! Inspired by our heartfelt conversations that never cease to exist! I love you very much! Emily and Mallory, I hope you will continue to share with me your meaningful experiences and your candid degree of insight as we continue to walk down this road we call life.
-I’m sure many may find this song choice a little cheesy, but I actually LOVE it!! It’s blissfully happy and celebrates diversity!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNCvdxyPplc (The Song: Ebony and Ivory; The Artists: Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Laugh and Cry, Live and Die--An Investigation Behind the Meaning of Life
Still Grieving, Still Healing
I can’t believe it
It’s been three years
And I’m still grieving, still healing
From the traumatic experience of
Losing you
I get so frustrated with myself
For still feeling the pain
That lies dormant in my aching heart
Memories of you and me
Burst into my thoughts and dreams
Occasionally cleansed by a never-ending
Flood of tears.
And, even so,
I realize that I’m still grieving, still healing
From losing my close friend,
My inseparable college companion,
My sassy southern sister
And it’s been three years
It’s May, now
The weather is warming up
The flowers are in bloom
A delicious season to go horseback riding,
As only you could
Appreciate such a
Vibrantly sun-filled time of year
It is May, again
The month of your birth,
24 years ago
Just 2 months,
3 years ago
Before you left
Ever so abruptly, without a trace
And, Somehow,
I’m still grieving, still healing
I wonder if this intense pain in my heart
Will ever subside,
Will it ever go away?
I am stationary, puzzled, and bewildered
However,
All I know is that
I am still grieving, and hopefully,
Still healing
Laugh and Cry, Live and Die—
An Investigation Behind the Meaning of Life
As we move through the world, we are constantly bombarded with a variety of different life situations that force us to ponder countless challenging questions, complicated life experiences, and inexplicable feelings. One complex issue is and has been attempting to fully grasp the meaning of life. And, of course, one cannot adequately discuss the meaning of life without also investigating the inverse of life, which is death.
In July of 2006, I lost, unexpectedly my close college friend, Bryn in an airplane accident. Bryn and I were undoubtedly “thick as thieves” as the old saying goes. We lived in the same miniature size dorm hall together, had endless amounts of dinners together (I mean at least 5 or 6 times a week), partied together, studied together, traveled together, and most importantly bonded together (laughed, cried, and vented on a daily basis). We were college sisters for three years, until just after her 21st birthday her life was abruptly cut short.
As most people having experienced the sudden loss of a loved one, can attest, it sends you on an emotional rollercoaster ride, usually one that you’ll never forget. The wide range of highs and lows, the intensity of anger and deep sorrow all tend to spiral uncontrollably in your mind, body, and spirit. Upon experiencing such an unexpected change in our daily life and consistent life routines, it often leads us to ask more questions, and inherently attempt to seek answers to these exhausting questions.
I have discovered that there are a variety of issues that plagues my mental sensation regarding the notion behind life and death. The most extensive questions that I consistently mull over are: What exactly is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What is the point of our human existence, and most importantly what are we supposed to get out of life? Of course, I think many people will tie a certain spiritual element to life, which I would strongly agree with. And, in many cases, I think that this is perhaps, the most obvious answer to these questions. The notion of spirituality, religiosity, and faith is very much so a foundational and fundamental component to every aspect of life, love, and relationships.
However, let’s perhaps, dig deeper and challenge ourselves to find an additional explanation as to a more tangible explanation regarding the purpose and the meaning of life. After assessing this theme in great detail for the past several years, I’ve finally arrived with potential answers to these questions that have inundated my intricately-woven thoughts.
When it comes to the meaning of life, I’m sure that many people would have numerous potential explanations. I suspect that it’s just one of those topics that everyone either has an opinion about, no opinion at all, or there is more than likely a large audience of people that has never actually given much thought about this concept.
I would argue that the meaning of life is directly related to the value of having relationships. Relationships with everyone around you; from one’s own personal relationship with God (and this crosses religious faiths), relationships with family, friends, acquaintances, boyfriends, girlfriends, marital partners, roommates, coworkers, and the list goes on. Through relationships we have the ability to experience a wide range of emotions, from happiness, to sadness, from love, to anger, from confusion, to frustration, and this list, too, is limitless. Being able to experience such a wide range of emotions through relationships allows for us to have the ability to learn, grow, and (often times) experience a deep level of transformation into our own quest for self discovery.
I would argue that having and maintaining relationships with people (and for some people that would also include: relationships with animals, hobbies or extracurricular activities that one may be extremely passionate about, and perhaps, even certain inanimate objects) aids in our ability to have what I would deem as a “full life.” The ability to experience the richness that life has to offer comes from the relationships and experiences that we encounter, and is essentially what life is all about.
Once our time, or the time of a relationship with a person with whom we care about has expired, what’s left?
What’s left are the unique memories that will forever live in our mind of the experiences that we shared with that person. What’s left are the indescribable imprints on our heart that were left by the person’s extraordinary amount of individuality, charm, and zest for life. What’s left—is the relationship that we will forever cherish with that person, how we learned and grew from it, and how it has contributed to the person that we are in the present.
The interesting thing is, once it’s all said and done, we have the ability to revisit relationships, even when they have physically been erased (either by death, time, space, or circumstance) and relive them. We have the ability to acquire knowledge from these past experiences and apply them to the new relationships in our current lives. Bertrand Russell believes that “the good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge,” all of which arrive out of relationships.
- Dedicated in loving memory to Bryn Moulder (May 21, 1985- July 26, 2006) An Unfortunate Story of Death. http://www.onlineathens.com/stories/072906/news_20060729051.shtml
- Dedicated to a new priceless contribution to my life, Alaina Shapiro. A Magical Story of Life.
http://www.allareourheroes.com/vplayer.cfm?VideoID=173
(Alaina, I'm so very proud of the obstacles you've overcome, and look forward to walking with you on the journey into the upcoming stages of our lives together. I love you!)
- This article wouldn’t be complete if I neglected to include some select music choices. I find that music is and has always been therapeutic for me! (I’m 200% positive that I get this trait from my father!) The following songs are some of my favorites when analyzing the struggles of life and death. I hope that you will find them delightful and perhaps, therapeutic as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJ_j6YVCKYM (The Song: Yesterday; The Artist: Leona Lewis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5IIXeR5OUI (The Song: What a Wonderful World; The Artist: Louis Armstrong)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hdlc3Q2iS8 (The Song: One Sweet Day; The Artist: Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI2-cQqS9Mg (The Song: Live in the Sky; The Artist: T.I. f/ Jamie Foxx)
I can’t believe it
It’s been three years
And I’m still grieving, still healing
From the traumatic experience of
Losing you
I get so frustrated with myself
For still feeling the pain
That lies dormant in my aching heart
Memories of you and me
Burst into my thoughts and dreams
Occasionally cleansed by a never-ending
Flood of tears.
And, even so,
I realize that I’m still grieving, still healing
From losing my close friend,
My inseparable college companion,
My sassy southern sister
And it’s been three years
It’s May, now
The weather is warming up
The flowers are in bloom
A delicious season to go horseback riding,
As only you could
Appreciate such a
Vibrantly sun-filled time of year
It is May, again
The month of your birth,
24 years ago
Just 2 months,
3 years ago
Before you left
Ever so abruptly, without a trace
And, Somehow,
I’m still grieving, still healing
I wonder if this intense pain in my heart
Will ever subside,
Will it ever go away?
I am stationary, puzzled, and bewildered
However,
All I know is that
I am still grieving, and hopefully,
Still healing
Laugh and Cry, Live and Die—
An Investigation Behind the Meaning of Life
As we move through the world, we are constantly bombarded with a variety of different life situations that force us to ponder countless challenging questions, complicated life experiences, and inexplicable feelings. One complex issue is and has been attempting to fully grasp the meaning of life. And, of course, one cannot adequately discuss the meaning of life without also investigating the inverse of life, which is death.
In July of 2006, I lost, unexpectedly my close college friend, Bryn in an airplane accident. Bryn and I were undoubtedly “thick as thieves” as the old saying goes. We lived in the same miniature size dorm hall together, had endless amounts of dinners together (I mean at least 5 or 6 times a week), partied together, studied together, traveled together, and most importantly bonded together (laughed, cried, and vented on a daily basis). We were college sisters for three years, until just after her 21st birthday her life was abruptly cut short.
As most people having experienced the sudden loss of a loved one, can attest, it sends you on an emotional rollercoaster ride, usually one that you’ll never forget. The wide range of highs and lows, the intensity of anger and deep sorrow all tend to spiral uncontrollably in your mind, body, and spirit. Upon experiencing such an unexpected change in our daily life and consistent life routines, it often leads us to ask more questions, and inherently attempt to seek answers to these exhausting questions.
I have discovered that there are a variety of issues that plagues my mental sensation regarding the notion behind life and death. The most extensive questions that I consistently mull over are: What exactly is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What is the point of our human existence, and most importantly what are we supposed to get out of life? Of course, I think many people will tie a certain spiritual element to life, which I would strongly agree with. And, in many cases, I think that this is perhaps, the most obvious answer to these questions. The notion of spirituality, religiosity, and faith is very much so a foundational and fundamental component to every aspect of life, love, and relationships.
However, let’s perhaps, dig deeper and challenge ourselves to find an additional explanation as to a more tangible explanation regarding the purpose and the meaning of life. After assessing this theme in great detail for the past several years, I’ve finally arrived with potential answers to these questions that have inundated my intricately-woven thoughts.
When it comes to the meaning of life, I’m sure that many people would have numerous potential explanations. I suspect that it’s just one of those topics that everyone either has an opinion about, no opinion at all, or there is more than likely a large audience of people that has never actually given much thought about this concept.
I would argue that the meaning of life is directly related to the value of having relationships. Relationships with everyone around you; from one’s own personal relationship with God (and this crosses religious faiths), relationships with family, friends, acquaintances, boyfriends, girlfriends, marital partners, roommates, coworkers, and the list goes on. Through relationships we have the ability to experience a wide range of emotions, from happiness, to sadness, from love, to anger, from confusion, to frustration, and this list, too, is limitless. Being able to experience such a wide range of emotions through relationships allows for us to have the ability to learn, grow, and (often times) experience a deep level of transformation into our own quest for self discovery.
I would argue that having and maintaining relationships with people (and for some people that would also include: relationships with animals, hobbies or extracurricular activities that one may be extremely passionate about, and perhaps, even certain inanimate objects) aids in our ability to have what I would deem as a “full life.” The ability to experience the richness that life has to offer comes from the relationships and experiences that we encounter, and is essentially what life is all about.
Once our time, or the time of a relationship with a person with whom we care about has expired, what’s left?
What’s left are the unique memories that will forever live in our mind of the experiences that we shared with that person. What’s left are the indescribable imprints on our heart that were left by the person’s extraordinary amount of individuality, charm, and zest for life. What’s left—is the relationship that we will forever cherish with that person, how we learned and grew from it, and how it has contributed to the person that we are in the present.
The interesting thing is, once it’s all said and done, we have the ability to revisit relationships, even when they have physically been erased (either by death, time, space, or circumstance) and relive them. We have the ability to acquire knowledge from these past experiences and apply them to the new relationships in our current lives. Bertrand Russell believes that “the good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge,” all of which arrive out of relationships.
- Dedicated in loving memory to Bryn Moulder (May 21, 1985- July 26, 2006) An Unfortunate Story of Death. http://www.onlineathens.com/stories/072906/news_20060729051.shtml
- Dedicated to a new priceless contribution to my life, Alaina Shapiro. A Magical Story of Life.
http://www.allareourheroes.com/vplayer.cfm?VideoID=173
(Alaina, I'm so very proud of the obstacles you've overcome, and look forward to walking with you on the journey into the upcoming stages of our lives together. I love you!)
- This article wouldn’t be complete if I neglected to include some select music choices. I find that music is and has always been therapeutic for me! (I’m 200% positive that I get this trait from my father!) The following songs are some of my favorites when analyzing the struggles of life and death. I hope that you will find them delightful and perhaps, therapeutic as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJ_j6YVCKYM (The Song: Yesterday; The Artist: Leona Lewis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5IIXeR5OUI (The Song: What a Wonderful World; The Artist: Louis Armstrong)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hdlc3Q2iS8 (The Song: One Sweet Day; The Artist: Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI2-cQqS9Mg (The Song: Live in the Sky; The Artist: T.I. f/ Jamie Foxx)
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