Still Grieving, Still Healing
I can’t believe it
It’s been three years
And I’m still grieving, still healing
From the traumatic experience of
Losing you
I get so frustrated with myself
For still feeling the pain
That lies dormant in my aching heart
Memories of you and me
Burst into my thoughts and dreams
Occasionally cleansed by a never-ending
Flood of tears.
And, even so,
I realize that I’m still grieving, still healing
From losing my close friend,
My inseparable college companion,
My sassy southern sister
And it’s been three years
It’s May, now
The weather is warming up
The flowers are in bloom
A delicious season to go horseback riding,
As only you could
Appreciate such a
Vibrantly sun-filled time of year
It is May, again
The month of your birth,
24 years ago
Just 2 months,
3 years ago
Before you left
Ever so abruptly, without a trace
And, Somehow,
I’m still grieving, still healing
I wonder if this intense pain in my heart
Will ever subside,
Will it ever go away?
I am stationary, puzzled, and bewildered
However,
All I know is that
I am still grieving, and hopefully,
Still healing
Laugh and Cry, Live and Die—
An Investigation Behind the Meaning of Life
As we move through the world, we are constantly bombarded with a variety of different life situations that force us to ponder countless challenging questions, complicated life experiences, and inexplicable feelings. One complex issue is and has been attempting to fully grasp the meaning of life. And, of course, one cannot adequately discuss the meaning of life without also investigating the inverse of life, which is death.
In July of 2006, I lost, unexpectedly my close college friend, Bryn in an airplane accident. Bryn and I were undoubtedly “thick as thieves” as the old saying goes. We lived in the same miniature size dorm hall together, had endless amounts of dinners together (I mean at least 5 or 6 times a week), partied together, studied together, traveled together, and most importantly bonded together (laughed, cried, and vented on a daily basis). We were college sisters for three years, until just after her 21st birthday her life was abruptly cut short.
As most people having experienced the sudden loss of a loved one, can attest, it sends you on an emotional rollercoaster ride, usually one that you’ll never forget. The wide range of highs and lows, the intensity of anger and deep sorrow all tend to spiral uncontrollably in your mind, body, and spirit. Upon experiencing such an unexpected change in our daily life and consistent life routines, it often leads us to ask more questions, and inherently attempt to seek answers to these exhausting questions.
I have discovered that there are a variety of issues that plagues my mental sensation regarding the notion behind life and death. The most extensive questions that I consistently mull over are: What exactly is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What is the point of our human existence, and most importantly what are we supposed to get out of life? Of course, I think many people will tie a certain spiritual element to life, which I would strongly agree with. And, in many cases, I think that this is perhaps, the most obvious answer to these questions. The notion of spirituality, religiosity, and faith is very much so a foundational and fundamental component to every aspect of life, love, and relationships.
However, let’s perhaps, dig deeper and challenge ourselves to find an additional explanation as to a more tangible explanation regarding the purpose and the meaning of life. After assessing this theme in great detail for the past several years, I’ve finally arrived with potential answers to these questions that have inundated my intricately-woven thoughts.
When it comes to the meaning of life, I’m sure that many people would have numerous potential explanations. I suspect that it’s just one of those topics that everyone either has an opinion about, no opinion at all, or there is more than likely a large audience of people that has never actually given much thought about this concept.
I would argue that the meaning of life is directly related to the value of having relationships. Relationships with everyone around you; from one’s own personal relationship with God (and this crosses religious faiths), relationships with family, friends, acquaintances, boyfriends, girlfriends, marital partners, roommates, coworkers, and the list goes on. Through relationships we have the ability to experience a wide range of emotions, from happiness, to sadness, from love, to anger, from confusion, to frustration, and this list, too, is limitless. Being able to experience such a wide range of emotions through relationships allows for us to have the ability to learn, grow, and (often times) experience a deep level of transformation into our own quest for self discovery.
I would argue that having and maintaining relationships with people (and for some people that would also include: relationships with animals, hobbies or extracurricular activities that one may be extremely passionate about, and perhaps, even certain inanimate objects) aids in our ability to have what I would deem as a “full life.” The ability to experience the richness that life has to offer comes from the relationships and experiences that we encounter, and is essentially what life is all about.
Once our time, or the time of a relationship with a person with whom we care about has expired, what’s left?
What’s left are the unique memories that will forever live in our mind of the experiences that we shared with that person. What’s left are the indescribable imprints on our heart that were left by the person’s extraordinary amount of individuality, charm, and zest for life. What’s left—is the relationship that we will forever cherish with that person, how we learned and grew from it, and how it has contributed to the person that we are in the present.
The interesting thing is, once it’s all said and done, we have the ability to revisit relationships, even when they have physically been erased (either by death, time, space, or circumstance) and relive them. We have the ability to acquire knowledge from these past experiences and apply them to the new relationships in our current lives. Bertrand Russell believes that “the good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge,” all of which arrive out of relationships.
- Dedicated in loving memory to Bryn Moulder (May 21, 1985- July 26, 2006) An Unfortunate Story of Death. http://www.onlineathens.com/stories/072906/news_20060729051.shtml
- Dedicated to a new priceless contribution to my life, Alaina Shapiro. A Magical Story of Life.
http://www.allareourheroes.com/vplayer.cfm?VideoID=173
(Alaina, I'm so very proud of the obstacles you've overcome, and look forward to walking with you on the journey into the upcoming stages of our lives together. I love you!)
- This article wouldn’t be complete if I neglected to include some select music choices. I find that music is and has always been therapeutic for me! (I’m 200% positive that I get this trait from my father!) The following songs are some of my favorites when analyzing the struggles of life and death. I hope that you will find them delightful and perhaps, therapeutic as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJ_j6YVCKYM (The Song: Yesterday; The Artist: Leona Lewis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5IIXeR5OUI (The Song: What a Wonderful World; The Artist: Louis Armstrong)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hdlc3Q2iS8 (The Song: One Sweet Day; The Artist: Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI2-cQqS9Mg (The Song: Live in the Sky; The Artist: T.I. f/ Jamie Foxx)
