December 31, 2009
Dear Diary,
Dear Diary,
All I wanted for Christmas was to find a charming, considerate, financially stable, and supportive man to be brought into my life. At 29, I can’t help but acknowledge the fact that my biological clock is ticking. I have, what, maybe 3-5 years of healthy childbearing years left? I can’t help but notice that many of my closest girl friends that are White and Asian are already married, and have children. So, I sit back and wonder, what’s wrong with me? I tried to do everything right. I went to college, finished in four years, graduated with honors, and have been working as a CPA for some time now. I own a car, a house, and guess what, I have great credit! So, what’s the hold up? Where the hell is Mr. Right?
In the meantime, I’ll continue to be an optimist, and look forward to next year! Perhaps, next year will be my year!? My year to find a wonderful life partner, my year to begin building a happy and lasting relationship with someone I care about, my year to begin building my future life (with children to come).
Sincerely,
An Optimistic (yet slightly discouraged) Single Black Woman
Apparently the large number of single black women in America is nothing abnormal, in fact, it’s pretty common. So, common that even ABC decided to do some digging for potential answers to this problem. According to ABC, 42% of black women have never been married, which is more than double the number of white women who have never been hitched. This number is rather startling, considering the notion that there are so many “successful” black women on the market. There are high numbers of attractive, college-educated, career-oriented black women, who want to be in committed relationships that somehow still find themselves single.
Why is this condition so frequent amongst black women? Are there external factors that are contributing to high rates of single black, successful women? If this is the case, how might black women find a life partner that contributes to having a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life?
According to the Gallup World News Poll, the 2005 study found that 64% of black men have dated outside of their race, while only 42% of black women have dated outside of their race. When compared with other racial ethnic groups, about 74% of Latino men have dated outside of their race, and 65% of Latin women have dated outside of their race. When examining the Whites, about 48% of white men have dated outside of their race, and 43% of white women have dated outside their race. (If you wish to learn more, check out the study at: http://www.gallup.com/poll/19033/Most-Americans-Approve-Interracial-Dating.aspx )
According to the statistics, black men date out of race significantly more than black women. In fact, black women date within race, higher than any other group. When it comes to interracial dating as a whole, men are much more likely to date out of race than women. Some may wonder why this is the case? However, men traditionally tend to have more power, privilege, and flexibility when it comes to the arena of dating and romantic relationships, much more than women.
Okay, okay, okay, so what exactly does this mean as it translates to black women in the world of dating? This means that it’s important for women, particularly black women, to be open and receptive to dating outside their race. We never actually know who our ideal mate may be. He may be the complete polar opposite of you. You may be tall, he may be short, you may be black, he may be white (or Latino, or Asian), you may be slender, and he may be slightly chubby. What matters is the connection that you’re able to obtain with that particular man. Does he understand you (or at least make an attempt to understand you)? Does he support you and the endeavors that are important to you? Are your values aligned with each other when it comes to matters that are important to you (family, religion, etc.)? Does he treat you with a deep amount of love, consideration, and respect? Will he make the sacrifices necessary to contribute to your happiness and your positive well-being (not just your financial security)?
If so, then this could be a potential candidate for you as a life partner. There’s a lot of talk about women, (and for the purpose of this article, black women) having unrealistic expectations when it comes to finding a mate. There’s absolutely no reason why anyone should “settle” when it comes to the qualities of a person that you are planning on spending the rest of your life with. We don’t expect men to “settle,” hence we shouldn’t ask women to “settle” either. However, there is a point in which the notion of Mr. Perfect Prince Charming should be dispelled. Unrealistic expectations for anyone (women or men) are unhealthy concepts and can definitely impede on an individual finding the right person.
You may remember in a previous article, “Time≥ Timing,” in which I discussed and researched the significance of time and timing in life, work, and relationships. I definitely think the same is true, as one evaluates how timing plays a role in our life as it relates to marriage, and finding lasting relationships. In some ways, it’s a game of time, and one must not be too insistent on trying to rush what is to come into our life (when it comes finding the right life partner).
According to author, Sam Keen, “we come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person, perfectly.” This is ever so true, as we move through this journey called life, as we travel down the road of Love, and examine the many possibilities that are in store for us!
--This article is dedicated to ALL of my single black girlfriends, in which we have endless conversations about love and relationships!! Porschia!! (Thanks for sharing this awesome clip with me girlie!) Ashley, Hope, Lorissa, Deidre, Aunt Koni, and the list goes on!
In closing, I would love for you to check out the 7 min segment that ABC did on this topic. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJGMAhWpDF8&feature=popular. I look forward to reading your comments on the subject! Men and women, Black and White, Latino and Asian, (Everybody) post your thoughts! I’m sure you have something valuable to share, and your perspective will contribute to an open, honest dialogue!! You know the drill...Ready, set, share!!
