Feminist! Feminist! Feminist! So, there, I’ve said the dirty little word that makes everyone so amazingly uncomfortable! (Everyone over the age of 25 that has been exposed to the worldly side of American culture, that is!) For some strange reason, unbeknownst to me, there is a massive amount of negative associations and brutally outrageous stigma that is accompanied by what it means to be a feminist and what exactly feminism stands for. I just really don’t get it.
Apparently for a lot of people “feminist” means “man-beater,” “lesbian,” “man-hater,” “male basher,” or some other derogatory term that’s used to display a strong level of malice towards men. Let’s not forget there’s also a common belief circulating that what feminism really is, is the school of thought that women are superior to men.
Can I first off start by saying that this is entirely incorrect, not true, and completely false!
For the purposes of this article, I decided to consult Mr. (or Ms. depending on who you ask) Merriam Webster. According to Webster, feminism is simply “the theory of political, economic, and social equality between the sexes.” That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. Can you believe it?! Pretty scary, huh?
I will acknowledge, just like with any term or movement, there is a high level of subjectivity surrounding what a specific movement means or stands for, depending on who you ask. If you ask a scholar versus a writer versus a teacher, you may get slightly different definitions. However, there is one critical element that is common across the board. The one ingredient that is consistent throughout any credible definition of feminism, is (drum roll, please,) equality.
For those of you, that never would have guessed, I have a confession to make, I am indeed a feminist and have been since the age of seven or eight. I recall my younger brother being able to walk around the house without a t-shirt on. I remember asking my mother, “How come Jake (my younger brother, who was five at the time) can walk around the house without a shirt on, and I have to wear a t-shirt?”
My mom responded, “Well, CC he’s a boy so they don’t have to wear shirts all the time.” My response, “That’s not fair. Because they’re boys, they get to walk around without a shirt?” I had the most difficult time comprehending this, I mean its summertime, and everybody’s hot! I remember I would walk around the house shirtless (with a sports bra, of course), simply because I believed in “Social T-shirt Equality.” I suppose that was my first exposure to their being certain privileges (despite how minor they may be) between men and women.
Maybe you can help? I’m still not sure why feminism and feminists harbor such a negative reputation. Being a freshman in college, I would consistently challenge the sexist, chauvinistic language of men regarding women. Calling my male classmates out about their intentionally derogatory language with women, coined me as “femin-nazi.” At first, I was very adamant about not being classified as a feminist, femin-nazi, or anything of the sort. It just sounded so negative and, just down right, bad. (I mean, come on, “femin-nazi?!”) However, that ship eventually sailed, and I decided that there was absolutely nothing wrong with challenging negative language towards women, inspiring thoughts of equality between men and women, and being known as a feminist.
The theory of positive social change and equality for all people (whether it’s related to gender, race, socioeconomic status, etc.) seem to be fairly positive concepts to me. It seems like everyone should hope for all people to be treated fairly and given the same opportunities regardless of whether or not they are a man or a woman, or how much money they make (being rich or poor), whether they are young or old, or white or non-white, gay or straight, and the list could go on forever.
Even with our current culture of instant communication and endless information at our finger tips, why does the idea of feminism still carry such awful thoughts? Is it our responsibility to educate ourselves about ideas, concepts, and even the language we choose to use? (Hence, “you’re such a femin-nazi.”) And, at the core essence of it all, man, woman, and child, aren’t we all really more alike than different?
Being an avid cook and someone who thoroughly enjoys the process of baking, there’s this Yiddish proverb that I happen to love, “everyone is kneaded out of the same dough, but not baked in the same oven.” Aren’t some of us just “baked” in a man’s oven versus a woman’s oven?
Thoughts?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Love Lottery
Isn't love, dating, and the whole relationship process a lot like playing the lottery? It's as if, relationships are in many ways a gamble, especially in today's day and age of having such high rates of broken relationships and divorce.
Many of us start "gambling" around the age of 15 or 16, hoping to strike it rich, someday! We don't really know if we'll hit the "jackpot" (translation: "get married") to that one special person, however, most of us are definitely hoping for it.
Ok, let's stop and really think about this for a minute. Around 15 years old (give or take a couple of years, depending on what planet you come from), you start dating, or shall I say "gambling." People date and date and date. It's no wonder it's such a chore to find anything resembling a healthy relationship these days. Yeah, we learn lots of lessons along the way. But, let's face it, at this point you're still gambling, which means you've also lost a lot of money along the way too!
People (both men and women) gamble all of this money hoping to win the jackpot! So, what happens, when you're really close to winning? I mean really close!
Jackpot! You find this wondrously amazing partner that you absolutely cannot live without! She wakes up extra early to make you the most deliciously delightful breakfast in bed. He'll drive all the way across town to bring you a movie and your favorite ice cream just to cheer you up. She helps him with his business plans for work. He gives her advice with her miscellaneous work-related projects. Even on top of all that, their energy and connection with each other is one of a kind. Everything just fits.
Except, one thing's off with your relationship. (Of course, there has to be a problem, right?!) It's simply a matter of timing. One person's ready to be in a committed relationship and the other wants to take their time. One person's ready to be married and the other is feeling like in about 2-3 years, they’ll be ready to journey down the aisle.
Does one continue to gamble on the jackpot? Or do you play it safe and walk away from the gambling table?
The great thing about playing the lottery is that you can always play a completely different game, and get completely different results. So, maybe playing the “Mega Millions” jackpot is proving to be too time consuming. One can always play the “Fantasy Five.” The only difference is the “Mega Millions” game is worth $100 million and the “Fantasy Five” is worth an estimated $526,000.
The “Fantasy Five” game is a completely different relationship all together. The relationship is good, nice, and comfortable. In fact, it’s very easy. Within a matter of months, you’ve hit the “Fantasy Five” jackpot! Now, is just a matter of cashing in! You’ve even set a date to claim your prize. (Translation: You’ve set a wedding date.)
The timing is perfect for both you and your partner. You and your partner want exactly the same things. You’re both in the same stage of life and are ready for a serious commitment. Marriage, anyone? Ready, set, yes! Both partners value familial relationships and look forward to building those ideals with someone. Everything’s perfect, especially the timing. On the contrary, there’s just one thing missing. (Of course, it’s always something!)
The “it” factor is missing. You know, that extraordinary cosmic connection that is completely indescribable that is uniquely exceptional that is unlike anything you’ve ever encountered in your entire lifetime! As Betty and Veronica would say in an Archie comic book, that incredibly marvelous “va-va-voom” is what’s absent from your new relationship. Okay, so maybe that’s all a little overboard, but you get my drift!
So, what’s a person to do? Does one cash in on the easy, already won “Fantasy Five” game for $526,000? Or does one attempt to go back and play the “Mega Millions” lottery, which is now at an estimated $142 million? Obviously, one is a substantially higher risk, with a bigger payoff versus a modest payoff and a guaranteed bet.
I guess the bigger question here is: do you aspire to live with a lump sum payment of $526,000 versus trying to achieve the $142 million lottery? And, let’s not forget about taxes! Uncle Sam always comes for his! (Translation: Taxes are those unknown, inevitable “downfalls” or things in a relationship that you had no idea existed that are not good or welcoming that take away from your relationship. Nobody’s a perfect fit.) Hence, everybody has to pay taxes on a relationship.
There really is no "right" or "wrong" answer. I guess it just boils down to what's most important to you and which would make you genuinely happier. Decisions, decisions, decisions, what would you do?
Love, life, and the lottery!
Many of us start "gambling" around the age of 15 or 16, hoping to strike it rich, someday! We don't really know if we'll hit the "jackpot" (translation: "get married") to that one special person, however, most of us are definitely hoping for it.
Ok, let's stop and really think about this for a minute. Around 15 years old (give or take a couple of years, depending on what planet you come from), you start dating, or shall I say "gambling." People date and date and date. It's no wonder it's such a chore to find anything resembling a healthy relationship these days. Yeah, we learn lots of lessons along the way. But, let's face it, at this point you're still gambling, which means you've also lost a lot of money along the way too!
People (both men and women) gamble all of this money hoping to win the jackpot! So, what happens, when you're really close to winning? I mean really close!
Jackpot! You find this wondrously amazing partner that you absolutely cannot live without! She wakes up extra early to make you the most deliciously delightful breakfast in bed. He'll drive all the way across town to bring you a movie and your favorite ice cream just to cheer you up. She helps him with his business plans for work. He gives her advice with her miscellaneous work-related projects. Even on top of all that, their energy and connection with each other is one of a kind. Everything just fits.
Except, one thing's off with your relationship. (Of course, there has to be a problem, right?!) It's simply a matter of timing. One person's ready to be in a committed relationship and the other wants to take their time. One person's ready to be married and the other is feeling like in about 2-3 years, they’ll be ready to journey down the aisle.
Does one continue to gamble on the jackpot? Or do you play it safe and walk away from the gambling table?
The great thing about playing the lottery is that you can always play a completely different game, and get completely different results. So, maybe playing the “Mega Millions” jackpot is proving to be too time consuming. One can always play the “Fantasy Five.” The only difference is the “Mega Millions” game is worth $100 million and the “Fantasy Five” is worth an estimated $526,000.
The “Fantasy Five” game is a completely different relationship all together. The relationship is good, nice, and comfortable. In fact, it’s very easy. Within a matter of months, you’ve hit the “Fantasy Five” jackpot! Now, is just a matter of cashing in! You’ve even set a date to claim your prize. (Translation: You’ve set a wedding date.)
The timing is perfect for both you and your partner. You and your partner want exactly the same things. You’re both in the same stage of life and are ready for a serious commitment. Marriage, anyone? Ready, set, yes! Both partners value familial relationships and look forward to building those ideals with someone. Everything’s perfect, especially the timing. On the contrary, there’s just one thing missing. (Of course, it’s always something!)
The “it” factor is missing. You know, that extraordinary cosmic connection that is completely indescribable that is uniquely exceptional that is unlike anything you’ve ever encountered in your entire lifetime! As Betty and Veronica would say in an Archie comic book, that incredibly marvelous “va-va-voom” is what’s absent from your new relationship. Okay, so maybe that’s all a little overboard, but you get my drift!
So, what’s a person to do? Does one cash in on the easy, already won “Fantasy Five” game for $526,000? Or does one attempt to go back and play the “Mega Millions” lottery, which is now at an estimated $142 million? Obviously, one is a substantially higher risk, with a bigger payoff versus a modest payoff and a guaranteed bet.
I guess the bigger question here is: do you aspire to live with a lump sum payment of $526,000 versus trying to achieve the $142 million lottery? And, let’s not forget about taxes! Uncle Sam always comes for his! (Translation: Taxes are those unknown, inevitable “downfalls” or things in a relationship that you had no idea existed that are not good or welcoming that take away from your relationship. Nobody’s a perfect fit.) Hence, everybody has to pay taxes on a relationship.
There really is no "right" or "wrong" answer. I guess it just boils down to what's most important to you and which would make you genuinely happier. Decisions, decisions, decisions, what would you do?
Love, life, and the lottery!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Can't we all just be Happy?!
It’s 88 degrees and sunshine and the laughing children are playing on the playground. Up and down the slides! Over and over again! The sound of the ice cream truck is now within earshot. It’s off to ask Mom and Dad for money! Yep! Got it! Now, you get to enjoy the cherry popsicle as the sun begins to set.
Do you remember the days when life was ever so innocent and ever so pure? Do you remember when the carefree days of life, laughter and happiness surrounded our minds, hearts, and spirits? Can’t remember it? It’s because we were under the age of 10! Okay, so now, you remember it!
I just have one question, when did we stop being happy? Or more importantly, why did we stop being happy?
I know! At least, I think I know. Somewhere along the line, life got really hard. The ups and downs of life eventually surface, which include: financial stressors, illness, life, death, love, pain, heartbreak, and the list goes on. With all of these things going on, who could actually be happy?
Apparently there’s a rumor going around! If you’re really happy (and not faking it), everything, or at least most things in your life must be going well. In order to be happy, there’s a common misconception that you can’t really be experiencing any difficult obstacles in your life, because if you were, then you would be sad or upset or disappointed, right?
Ummm…wrong! The people that are happy are choosing to be happy. Obtaining happiness isn’t an easy thing. It doesn’t have to be hard, either. It is work, nonetheless. I would argue that happy people work hard every single day to be happy. It’s not just one of those things that happens naturally. Of course, some people tend to have a more positive optimistic outlook than others. However, when it comes to an individual that is consistently happy, all or most of the time, this person is making the choice to be happy.
Being happy is work, primarily because life gives us difficult challenges in which we are faced with on a regular basis. The secret to being happy lies with how we, ourselves, are going to choose to deal with life’s obstacles. Often times it’s easier to succumb to our troubles, by allowing ourselves to become sad, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, or even depressed (when these emotions control our lives for long periods of time). Many times it’s much more challenging to actually “look on the bright side” and choose to accept things as they are, and just be happy when everything is going wrong around you.
Now, this is not to say that happy people are always happy. This is definitely not the case. Yet, what does seem to be true is that happy people tend to work through their difficult situations and accept that there are circumstances that one simply cannot change. Furthermore, with situations that you cannot change, one can always alter their perspective. The way in which we look at, examine, and analyze a situation can have a lot to do with our ability to be happy.
According to Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American philosopher and poet, “nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” And, might this actually be true? Consider that no tangible thing such as money, cars, clothes, jewelry, or even another person can actually bring you happiness. Perhaps, it is something that comes from deep within. Might it also be true that “some pursue happiness—while others create it?” Life is hard. Work is hard. Love is hard. Happiness, on the other hand, can be as simple as a choice.
A Note to the Reader:
So, what are your thoughts on happiness? How do you define being happy? What does it mean to be happy? Did you agree or disagree with something in this article? I want to hear your thoughts! Whether it’s one page, one paragraph, one sentence or one word! Nothing is too much or too little! Sharing your thoughts are wonderful because it creates dialogue, discussion, and learning! Okay…ready, set, write!!
Do you remember the days when life was ever so innocent and ever so pure? Do you remember when the carefree days of life, laughter and happiness surrounded our minds, hearts, and spirits? Can’t remember it? It’s because we were under the age of 10! Okay, so now, you remember it!
I just have one question, when did we stop being happy? Or more importantly, why did we stop being happy?
I know! At least, I think I know. Somewhere along the line, life got really hard. The ups and downs of life eventually surface, which include: financial stressors, illness, life, death, love, pain, heartbreak, and the list goes on. With all of these things going on, who could actually be happy?
Apparently there’s a rumor going around! If you’re really happy (and not faking it), everything, or at least most things in your life must be going well. In order to be happy, there’s a common misconception that you can’t really be experiencing any difficult obstacles in your life, because if you were, then you would be sad or upset or disappointed, right?
Ummm…wrong! The people that are happy are choosing to be happy. Obtaining happiness isn’t an easy thing. It doesn’t have to be hard, either. It is work, nonetheless. I would argue that happy people work hard every single day to be happy. It’s not just one of those things that happens naturally. Of course, some people tend to have a more positive optimistic outlook than others. However, when it comes to an individual that is consistently happy, all or most of the time, this person is making the choice to be happy.
Being happy is work, primarily because life gives us difficult challenges in which we are faced with on a regular basis. The secret to being happy lies with how we, ourselves, are going to choose to deal with life’s obstacles. Often times it’s easier to succumb to our troubles, by allowing ourselves to become sad, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, or even depressed (when these emotions control our lives for long periods of time). Many times it’s much more challenging to actually “look on the bright side” and choose to accept things as they are, and just be happy when everything is going wrong around you.
Now, this is not to say that happy people are always happy. This is definitely not the case. Yet, what does seem to be true is that happy people tend to work through their difficult situations and accept that there are circumstances that one simply cannot change. Furthermore, with situations that you cannot change, one can always alter their perspective. The way in which we look at, examine, and analyze a situation can have a lot to do with our ability to be happy.
According to Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American philosopher and poet, “nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” And, might this actually be true? Consider that no tangible thing such as money, cars, clothes, jewelry, or even another person can actually bring you happiness. Perhaps, it is something that comes from deep within. Might it also be true that “some pursue happiness—while others create it?” Life is hard. Work is hard. Love is hard. Happiness, on the other hand, can be as simple as a choice.
A Note to the Reader:
So, what are your thoughts on happiness? How do you define being happy? What does it mean to be happy? Did you agree or disagree with something in this article? I want to hear your thoughts! Whether it’s one page, one paragraph, one sentence or one word! Nothing is too much or too little! Sharing your thoughts are wonderful because it creates dialogue, discussion, and learning! Okay…ready, set, write!!
Friday, April 30, 2010
What's so Wrong with Stripping Anyway?!
The young woman enters the dirty, smoky bar where a loud mixture of 80’s rock, rap, and pop music is playing. The only two televisions are on baseball games. After three martinis her inhibitions have lowered to the point that she jumps on top of the counter and begins dancing to the loud music as she begins to remove articles of her clothing.
Explicit images of nudity, baring all, and stripping undoubtedly have a variety of ideas and messages that are attached to these concepts in every culture. Depending on your perspective you may (or may not) have severe problems with the idea of a person exposing one’s physically naked body. However, I’m going to take this discussion one step further, and use the analogy of stripping to mean to reveal the depth of certain layers of an individual’s personality, character, and inner most sentiments.
I would argue, that in order to grow and progress in our own personal understanding of self, we must all “strip.” Often times that means we have to peel back layers of “self” in order to increase our level of emotional, mental, and spiritual understanding. That may mean we have to “bare all” and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to achieve a deeper level of self growth. In other words, we have to allow ourselves to be open to the possibility of going beneath the surface, in order to really understand our deeper selves and really grow and transform.
Symbolically, to remove clothing as in “stripping,” one could also associate that to be getting rid of those things (ideas, behaviors, or even people) that are in our lives that are preventing us from moving forward. I deem these preventative things as “baggage” which inevitably has the ability to hold us back, in a variety of aspects of our lives. Check out my article, “Calling all Passengers! Report to Baggage Claim!” http://justcierra.blogspot.com/2010/01/calling-all-passengers-report-to.html
Stripping is very difficult. It’s not as easy as people make it out to be. Allowing ourselves to be really “real” with ourselves and people around us is very challenging. However, I definitely think it’s necessary in order to elevate to the next level of understanding as we journey down this road called “Life.” The sad part is that, because it’s so hard, most of us choose to look the other way, and just stay right where we are.
Sometimes there is a life situation that triggers us to strip. We all experience situations that test us, and force us to grow and transform, or to decide to stay stagnant where we are in life. I would like to challenge everyone to “strip.” It can be emotionally draining filled with a variety of intense feelings including: sadness, sorrow, anger, confusion, disappointment, vulnerability, and the list goes on. However, the ultimate outcome leads to a positive understanding of deeper levels of emotional, mental, and spiritual self.
It would be completely unfair to challenge people to “strip”, if indeed, I did not. I have been a “stripper” for about three weeks now. There was an unexpected life situation that triggered my adventures in stripping. It actually all started Good Friday, the irony of it all! (I often write poetry, my deepest, most inner sentiments, never expecting them to be shared with anyone. However, I have decided to share a couple of pieces. This isn’t easy, so please, bare with me.) Here it is, This is me, Stripped!
Raw Sorrow
I lie in bed for days at a time
Hoping
Tomorrow will come soon
That it will be a brighter day
That some of my pain & sorrow
Will be erased
Tomorrow does not come
Soon enough
Tomorrow is not better
The dreadful hurt in my heart
Is still blatantly present
I open up every window
Hoping
That the warmth of the sunshine
Will breathe new life into my spirit
It does not
The sunshine does nothing
All I see are clouds of darkness
The solitude of my pain is everywhere
As I seep deeper & deeper
Into the depths of despair
Its early evening
I sit down to feed myself
Hoping
That the food will nourish
My physical body & emotional spirit
It does not
The food does no good
I can finish very little
Food
Once an artful joy of my creation
Once a blissful contribution
To my excitement & happiness
Has become
A grueling task
A difficult chore
That remains incomplete
I shower 5 times a day
Hoping
This will relax me
Mentally, physically, and emotionally
That
I will somehow find the strength
To leave the borders of my home
It does nothing
Nothing changes
All I can do
Is slip back into my pajamas
Crawl back into bed
Left
With my never-ending thoughts,
My revolving emotions, and
Open possibilities.
Burning Insomnia
I cannot sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps
The unconscious state
Of my existence is awakened
It is given free reign
Over my emotional, mental,
And physical realms
All I feel is
The embedded pain
Of this tortuous disaster
As I brutally awaken
From this horrific nightmare
My physical reactional state surfaces
My breathing is uncontrollable
My eyes are flooded with tears
The heartburn in my chest forces
My body to become completely limp
To deserve such
An immense amount
Of physical, mental, emotional,
And spiritual anguish
Is deeply unsettling
I cannot sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps
Heaven forbid
My naps last too long
A 3 hour nap is long-lasting
My subconscious state
Begins to arrive and
Reminds me of my endless fountain
Of intense hurt
The painful sensation of my misery
Has nowhere to go
It stays with me
During my sleeping & waking hours
I cannot sleep
I will not sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps.
NOTE TO THE READER: Please share your thoughts about this article! Whether it be one word, one sentence, a paragraph, or a whole novel, feel free to post your thoughts!! How do you feel about “stripping?” Ready, set, share!!!
Explicit images of nudity, baring all, and stripping undoubtedly have a variety of ideas and messages that are attached to these concepts in every culture. Depending on your perspective you may (or may not) have severe problems with the idea of a person exposing one’s physically naked body. However, I’m going to take this discussion one step further, and use the analogy of stripping to mean to reveal the depth of certain layers of an individual’s personality, character, and inner most sentiments.
I would argue, that in order to grow and progress in our own personal understanding of self, we must all “strip.” Often times that means we have to peel back layers of “self” in order to increase our level of emotional, mental, and spiritual understanding. That may mean we have to “bare all” and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to achieve a deeper level of self growth. In other words, we have to allow ourselves to be open to the possibility of going beneath the surface, in order to really understand our deeper selves and really grow and transform.
Symbolically, to remove clothing as in “stripping,” one could also associate that to be getting rid of those things (ideas, behaviors, or even people) that are in our lives that are preventing us from moving forward. I deem these preventative things as “baggage” which inevitably has the ability to hold us back, in a variety of aspects of our lives. Check out my article, “Calling all Passengers! Report to Baggage Claim!” http://justcierra.blogspot.com/2010/01/calling-all-passengers-report-to.html
Stripping is very difficult. It’s not as easy as people make it out to be. Allowing ourselves to be really “real” with ourselves and people around us is very challenging. However, I definitely think it’s necessary in order to elevate to the next level of understanding as we journey down this road called “Life.” The sad part is that, because it’s so hard, most of us choose to look the other way, and just stay right where we are.
Sometimes there is a life situation that triggers us to strip. We all experience situations that test us, and force us to grow and transform, or to decide to stay stagnant where we are in life. I would like to challenge everyone to “strip.” It can be emotionally draining filled with a variety of intense feelings including: sadness, sorrow, anger, confusion, disappointment, vulnerability, and the list goes on. However, the ultimate outcome leads to a positive understanding of deeper levels of emotional, mental, and spiritual self.
It would be completely unfair to challenge people to “strip”, if indeed, I did not. I have been a “stripper” for about three weeks now. There was an unexpected life situation that triggered my adventures in stripping. It actually all started Good Friday, the irony of it all! (I often write poetry, my deepest, most inner sentiments, never expecting them to be shared with anyone. However, I have decided to share a couple of pieces. This isn’t easy, so please, bare with me.) Here it is, This is me, Stripped!
Raw Sorrow
I lie in bed for days at a time
Hoping
Tomorrow will come soon
That it will be a brighter day
That some of my pain & sorrow
Will be erased
Tomorrow does not come
Soon enough
Tomorrow is not better
The dreadful hurt in my heart
Is still blatantly present
I open up every window
Hoping
That the warmth of the sunshine
Will breathe new life into my spirit
It does not
The sunshine does nothing
All I see are clouds of darkness
The solitude of my pain is everywhere
As I seep deeper & deeper
Into the depths of despair
Its early evening
I sit down to feed myself
Hoping
That the food will nourish
My physical body & emotional spirit
It does not
The food does no good
I can finish very little
Food
Once an artful joy of my creation
Once a blissful contribution
To my excitement & happiness
Has become
A grueling task
A difficult chore
That remains incomplete
I shower 5 times a day
Hoping
This will relax me
Mentally, physically, and emotionally
That
I will somehow find the strength
To leave the borders of my home
It does nothing
Nothing changes
All I can do
Is slip back into my pajamas
Crawl back into bed
Left
With my never-ending thoughts,
My revolving emotions, and
Open possibilities.
Burning Insomnia
I cannot sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps
The unconscious state
Of my existence is awakened
It is given free reign
Over my emotional, mental,
And physical realms
All I feel is
The embedded pain
Of this tortuous disaster
As I brutally awaken
From this horrific nightmare
My physical reactional state surfaces
My breathing is uncontrollable
My eyes are flooded with tears
The heartburn in my chest forces
My body to become completely limp
To deserve such
An immense amount
Of physical, mental, emotional,
And spiritual anguish
Is deeply unsettling
I cannot sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps
Heaven forbid
My naps last too long
A 3 hour nap is long-lasting
My subconscious state
Begins to arrive and
Reminds me of my endless fountain
Of intense hurt
The painful sensation of my misery
Has nowhere to go
It stays with me
During my sleeping & waking hours
I cannot sleep
I will not sleep
I am scared to sleep
I am left to naps.
NOTE TO THE READER: Please share your thoughts about this article! Whether it be one word, one sentence, a paragraph, or a whole novel, feel free to post your thoughts!! How do you feel about “stripping?” Ready, set, share!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Falling in Love...A Game of Chance or a Game of Choice?
The two lovebirds walked hand in hand as the sun began to set on the beach. The waves of the ocean gently met their feet on the sand as the salty air reminded them that their refreshing beach vacation would soon be coming to a close. After over two years of blissful serenity, their relationship felt very “natural.” The couple had the freedom to completely be themselves, unaffected by the outside world. The relationship was heaven on earth, with of course, the occasional bump in the road. This is not to say that their relationship was perfect; it was indeed “work,” and required compromise and communication to be happy and fulfilling for both of them.
I’m not sure that you can ever have too many discussions about love. The subject of love is always around us; it’s on television shows, in film, it’s depicted in commercials, in music, poetry, art, and just about every communications-related medium. You may consider checking out my investigative discovery, “The Love Lesson,” http://justcierra.blogspot.com/2009/11/love-lesson.html in which I attempted to understand the true meaning of love.
The theme of love is a universal theme that connects everyone from around the world. It doesn’t discriminate against race/ethnicity, country or cultural lifestyle, sexual orientation, age, or physical condition. Whether you live in a small village in the tropics of Malaysia, or are a gay man living in New York City, or a lesbian woman living in Canada, or are a disabled man living in southern Panama. It seems as if everyone wants to be in love, or perhaps is socialized to long for the romance of being in a loving and committed relationship.
Now for my social love question, drum roll, please—do you think that falling in love is a choice? Or is it by chance that we fall in love?
I imagine many will have fairly strong opinions on the answer to this question. I actually think that most people believe that falling in love is not a choice. I would guesstimate that probably more than 1/2 of people will think that falling in love is not a choice. What do you think?
My perspective is slightly different than most when it comes to the question of whether or not falling in love is a choice. I believe that falling in love, is indeed a choice. I think it is a decision, whether it is conscious or subconscious (depending on the person), to fall in love. At some point in the process of dating, courting, or getting to know someone you decide whether or not you are going to allow your heart to be open to the possibility of sincerely loving the other person.
Will you allow yourself to trust another person with your mind, body, and spirit? Will you allow yourself to love without fear of hurt or restraint? Or will you choose to be conservative with your heart due to the fear of vulnerability or potential hurt? It is a choice to decide to embark upon the journey of love with another person as one moves through the many stages of dating.
Having said this, on the other hand, I don’t think that who you fall in love with, is a choice. I don’t think you can help who comes and "steals your heart." Whether they are tall or short, thin or chubby, black or white, of Latin or Asian ancestry, or what their religion, occupation, financial, or other circumstances are. I don’t think that physical, mental, or emotional attraction towards another individual is a choice. I think great deals of these factors are chance related. It is by chance that your paths cross with this particular person at that particular time in life, and that you happen to be compatible with each other.
So, could it be that by chance we are able to meet and find the right person and by choice that we allow our hearts to be open to the possibility of loving another person, and ultimately fall in love? Or is the other way around? What do you think? Is falling in love a game of choice or a game of chance?
A Note to the Reader: I want to hear your thoughts on this question! “Is falling in love a game of choice or a game of chance?” Even if it’s just one or two words, sentences, phrases, or paragraphs! Whatever you’re willing to share, will be most helpful as I seek to create open, honest dialogue about real life social issues! Ready, set, discuss!!
I’m not sure that you can ever have too many discussions about love. The subject of love is always around us; it’s on television shows, in film, it’s depicted in commercials, in music, poetry, art, and just about every communications-related medium. You may consider checking out my investigative discovery, “The Love Lesson,” http://justcierra.blogspot.com/2009/11/love-lesson.html in which I attempted to understand the true meaning of love.
The theme of love is a universal theme that connects everyone from around the world. It doesn’t discriminate against race/ethnicity, country or cultural lifestyle, sexual orientation, age, or physical condition. Whether you live in a small village in the tropics of Malaysia, or are a gay man living in New York City, or a lesbian woman living in Canada, or are a disabled man living in southern Panama. It seems as if everyone wants to be in love, or perhaps is socialized to long for the romance of being in a loving and committed relationship.
Now for my social love question, drum roll, please—do you think that falling in love is a choice? Or is it by chance that we fall in love?
I imagine many will have fairly strong opinions on the answer to this question. I actually think that most people believe that falling in love is not a choice. I would guesstimate that probably more than 1/2 of people will think that falling in love is not a choice. What do you think?
My perspective is slightly different than most when it comes to the question of whether or not falling in love is a choice. I believe that falling in love, is indeed a choice. I think it is a decision, whether it is conscious or subconscious (depending on the person), to fall in love. At some point in the process of dating, courting, or getting to know someone you decide whether or not you are going to allow your heart to be open to the possibility of sincerely loving the other person.
Will you allow yourself to trust another person with your mind, body, and spirit? Will you allow yourself to love without fear of hurt or restraint? Or will you choose to be conservative with your heart due to the fear of vulnerability or potential hurt? It is a choice to decide to embark upon the journey of love with another person as one moves through the many stages of dating.
Having said this, on the other hand, I don’t think that who you fall in love with, is a choice. I don’t think you can help who comes and "steals your heart." Whether they are tall or short, thin or chubby, black or white, of Latin or Asian ancestry, or what their religion, occupation, financial, or other circumstances are. I don’t think that physical, mental, or emotional attraction towards another individual is a choice. I think great deals of these factors are chance related. It is by chance that your paths cross with this particular person at that particular time in life, and that you happen to be compatible with each other.
So, could it be that by chance we are able to meet and find the right person and by choice that we allow our hearts to be open to the possibility of loving another person, and ultimately fall in love? Or is the other way around? What do you think? Is falling in love a game of choice or a game of chance?
A Note to the Reader: I want to hear your thoughts on this question! “Is falling in love a game of choice or a game of chance?” Even if it’s just one or two words, sentences, phrases, or paragraphs! Whatever you’re willing to share, will be most helpful as I seek to create open, honest dialogue about real life social issues! Ready, set, discuss!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friend, Foe, or Frenemy?!
At age six, the young boy and girl stroll hand in hand towards the crowded playground, where they quickly build sandcastles in the summer months and make snow angels in the winter months together. At age thirteen, they bond over extracurricular activities at school and talk endlessly about movies, music, and television. At sixteen, they go together to get their driver’s license; experience first dates and prom together. As the years go by, they are destined to remain good friends (maybe even “best” friends) forever, right?
Things aren’t always what they appear to be, especially when it comes to examining different kinds of relationships, whether they are friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationships or business/professional/work relationships. Often times, relationships may appear one way, when in fact, they may actually be drastically different than the way in which they are presented.
As I begin this brief investigative journey, I must find out, what exactly is a “friend?” I consulted, Mr. Webster’s (New World 2002 Edition), and a friend is defined as: 1) “a person whom one knows well and is fond of” 2) “an ally, supporter, or sympathizer” 3) “a member of the Society of Friends; Quaker.”
Okay, so not a bad starting point when trying to understand what it means to be a friend. The first two definitions highlight two very different things, knowing someone well, and second being able to be supportive. I’m sure most would agree that these characteristics, amongst others, are indeed important when trying to define what a friend is and the depth of friendships. However, these alone are not the only attributes that can be utilized when trying to grasp the meaning behind friendships.
True, sincerely genuine friendships encompass a high level of reciprocity in order for them to be fruitful. Both friends must have similar definitions of what it means to be a friend. "One cannot truly have friends, if one cannot first be a friend." (- Author Unknown) The biggest obstacle involving acquiring healthy friendships today is due to high levels of selfishness. In today’s culture, people value themselves, their needs, and their wants over the needs of others. This individualistic mentality has led to the break-down of relationships, especially friendships and romantic relationships.
Whether or not we realize it, the people around us or lack thereof, tell us a story about ourselves. Picture this, a vibrantly energetic individual with an optimistic perspective on life who possesses an authentic concern for the well being of others. Now picture, an intensely self-centered, egotistical pessimistic individual that only cares about their needs, wants, and desires. Who has a larger pool of “friends?” Of course, this is indeed a no-brainer!
In many ways, the people that we associate with are a reflection of ourselves. Now, occasionally, we can be fooled. Someone (a friend, boyfriend, acquaintance, etc.) may not be what we thought them to be, at first. However with time, all things become evident. It is when you really need help, support, and love that you learn who your legitimate friends are. A person that earnestly cares for you is willing to make sacrifices for you in your time of need; they are willing to support you when difficult obstacles arise, and they're willing to stand by you until the very end of the tumultuous storm. This person is a true friend.
So, back to the initial question, what exactly is a friend? A friend is willing to come get you at 3 am, when the weather is 25 degrees outside and give your car a jump because the battery died. A friend is willing to drive 35 min to to stay up all night until 6 am, helping you pack to get ready for your big cross country move. A friend is willing to listen to you cry all night about your crazy boyfriend, your unruly co-workers, and your challenging family situations. A true friend is willing to make sacrifices to support you when you need help the most. “He who finds a faithful friend finds a treasure.” (-Author Unknown)
When we dare to care, we allow ourselves the opportunity to continue to grow and flourish as a person. We learn that life is not all about us. It’s not about what we want. It’s not even about what makes us happy, from a materialistic perspective. It has nothing to do with the money, cars, clothes, or appearances. Life has everything to do with the relationships that we make, the friendships that bond us together, and our social interactions with people that aid in our personal quest for self discovery.
It is ever so important to be mindful that friendship is a special kind of love. Friendships are work, just as any relationship. They take sacrifice, consistency, and the ability to be a support system for someone other than ourselves. It’s never too late to rectify “broken” friendships. However, one must always remember that “friendship is a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” In closing, I leave you with a beautifully poetic quote by Mark Twain, “good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
- Javier, Sirron, Emily (& Chad), Lorissa, Tootie, Hope, Mallory, Ashley, Raymond, Bryn, Stacey, this list goes on and could go on forever (Geez, too many to mention!) However, you know who you are (and many of you are followers)!
- This piece is dedicated to my beautiful friends (non-blood related) that I’ve had for a “reason, a season or a lifetime.” I really do believe that friends are the family that we create for ourselves. You are my 2nd family! Thank you for being you and for being the sunshine and support system of my life! I love you more than words can express!!
Thoughts for the Reader: (I want to hear from you! Even if it's only one sentence!)
-What are you thoughts about friendship?
-What does it mean to be a friend?
-Do you think that we have problems in today’s society with broken friendships, relationships, etc.
Things aren’t always what they appear to be, especially when it comes to examining different kinds of relationships, whether they are friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationships or business/professional/work relationships. Often times, relationships may appear one way, when in fact, they may actually be drastically different than the way in which they are presented.
As I begin this brief investigative journey, I must find out, what exactly is a “friend?” I consulted, Mr. Webster’s (New World 2002 Edition), and a friend is defined as: 1) “a person whom one knows well and is fond of” 2) “an ally, supporter, or sympathizer” 3) “a member of the Society of Friends; Quaker.”
Okay, so not a bad starting point when trying to understand what it means to be a friend. The first two definitions highlight two very different things, knowing someone well, and second being able to be supportive. I’m sure most would agree that these characteristics, amongst others, are indeed important when trying to define what a friend is and the depth of friendships. However, these alone are not the only attributes that can be utilized when trying to grasp the meaning behind friendships.
True, sincerely genuine friendships encompass a high level of reciprocity in order for them to be fruitful. Both friends must have similar definitions of what it means to be a friend. "One cannot truly have friends, if one cannot first be a friend." (- Author Unknown) The biggest obstacle involving acquiring healthy friendships today is due to high levels of selfishness. In today’s culture, people value themselves, their needs, and their wants over the needs of others. This individualistic mentality has led to the break-down of relationships, especially friendships and romantic relationships.
Whether or not we realize it, the people around us or lack thereof, tell us a story about ourselves. Picture this, a vibrantly energetic individual with an optimistic perspective on life who possesses an authentic concern for the well being of others. Now picture, an intensely self-centered, egotistical pessimistic individual that only cares about their needs, wants, and desires. Who has a larger pool of “friends?” Of course, this is indeed a no-brainer!
In many ways, the people that we associate with are a reflection of ourselves. Now, occasionally, we can be fooled. Someone (a friend, boyfriend, acquaintance, etc.) may not be what we thought them to be, at first. However with time, all things become evident. It is when you really need help, support, and love that you learn who your legitimate friends are. A person that earnestly cares for you is willing to make sacrifices for you in your time of need; they are willing to support you when difficult obstacles arise, and they're willing to stand by you until the very end of the tumultuous storm. This person is a true friend.
So, back to the initial question, what exactly is a friend? A friend is willing to come get you at 3 am, when the weather is 25 degrees outside and give your car a jump because the battery died. A friend is willing to drive 35 min to to stay up all night until 6 am, helping you pack to get ready for your big cross country move. A friend is willing to listen to you cry all night about your crazy boyfriend, your unruly co-workers, and your challenging family situations. A true friend is willing to make sacrifices to support you when you need help the most. “He who finds a faithful friend finds a treasure.” (-Author Unknown)
When we dare to care, we allow ourselves the opportunity to continue to grow and flourish as a person. We learn that life is not all about us. It’s not about what we want. It’s not even about what makes us happy, from a materialistic perspective. It has nothing to do with the money, cars, clothes, or appearances. Life has everything to do with the relationships that we make, the friendships that bond us together, and our social interactions with people that aid in our personal quest for self discovery.
It is ever so important to be mindful that friendship is a special kind of love. Friendships are work, just as any relationship. They take sacrifice, consistency, and the ability to be a support system for someone other than ourselves. It’s never too late to rectify “broken” friendships. However, one must always remember that “friendship is a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” In closing, I leave you with a beautifully poetic quote by Mark Twain, “good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
- Javier, Sirron, Emily (& Chad), Lorissa, Tootie, Hope, Mallory, Ashley, Raymond, Bryn, Stacey, this list goes on and could go on forever (Geez, too many to mention!) However, you know who you are (and many of you are followers)!
- This piece is dedicated to my beautiful friends (non-blood related) that I’ve had for a “reason, a season or a lifetime.” I really do believe that friends are the family that we create for ourselves. You are my 2nd family! Thank you for being you and for being the sunshine and support system of my life! I love you more than words can express!!
Thoughts for the Reader: (I want to hear from you! Even if it's only one sentence!)
-What are you thoughts about friendship?
-What does it mean to be a friend?
-Do you think that we have problems in today’s society with broken friendships, relationships, etc.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Calling All Passengers! Report to Baggage Claim!
The forty-something year old man, has finally renewed his passport, and is ready for a long awaited trip to the tropical country of Costa Rica. A vacation to another country is just what is needed to reenergize himself, for the next hectic work cycle ahead. He and his wife packed their bags for their relaxing, get-a-way and are off to the airport to catch their flight.
As the couple gets ready to board the plane, the man is informed by the airlines, that there is a two bag minimum. The well-established businessman was attempting to board the plane with an astounding six bags, plus two personal items.
With today’s flight restrictions, it would be virtually impossible to board a traditional plane with that many bags. What in the world? I know what you’re thinking, how could anyone try to board a plane with so many bags? Perhaps, the man wasn’t even aware that he was trying to board the flight with so much baggage.
As we move through life, we tend to accumulate a certain amount of “baggage” due to our life experiences. Baggage can easily be defined as things from our past that we “carry” with us, and haven’t let go, addressed, or confronted. The problem with baggage is that it still affects us in some way, shape, form or fashion because it’s a chapter in our life that we haven’t closed yet. Often times we may harbor a certain amount of guilt, distrust, or anger towards an individual or situation, which inadvertently translates to more unhealthy baggage.
Our experiences ultimately shape us into the person that we are, and the person that we become. These experiences that we encounter begin with our childhood, extends throughout adolescence, teenage years, young adulthood, our middle-aged years, and beyond. If we don’t deal with these circumstances that affect us, I would argue that it’s extremely difficult to live a fully rich life, full of depth, happiness, and purpose.
Now, the question to what extent something affects us is indeed another discussion in itself. I’m sure a lot of times we think, “Oh, well, I turned out pretty good.” “Everything’s fine with me now, it could have been much worse.” It’s almost as if we try to convince ourselves that everything is okay, because we do know that things could always be worse.
Is this a good stance to take? Are we really living our life to our fullest potential? Are we genuinely satisfied with the course our life has taken? Are we being true to ourselves and the people around us?
After analyzing many case studies, I have yet to discover an individual that had a substantial amount of baggage that was genuinely happy with their life and felt a deep sense of fulfillment with their life. Now, “substantial amount of baggage” is, of course a highly subjective statement. However, those cases in which people had unresolved issues (with family, friends, romantic partners, business relationships, etc.) they tended not to feel a high level of content within their life.
The primary way to increase your sense of life satisfaction is to come to terms with all of you unresolved matters in your life. That means that you’re really going to have to “unpack” all of your baggage in order to ensure a happy, fulfilling trip into your future. The obstacle is that this can be both mentally and emotionally exhausting. This can be extremely challenging because it will often times force us to be uncomfortable and we will have to deal with a lot of instances from our past. This process will also dare us to be honest with ourselves and force us to be vulnerable. This can be really hard, because often times we put up artificial representations of ourselves for the sole purpose of being perceived positively from others.
However, in the end, dealing with our baggage is undoubtedly worth it! It can be a freeing and therapeutic experience! It’s not going to be easy, but its value is priceless. Take it one step at a time. Figure out what things from your past have affected (and/or continued to bother) you, and confront them head on. I understand many will read this article and choose not to make any changes in their life due to fear, despite the fact that there are many bags to unpack.
Just remember that “courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear” (Ambrose Redmon), like your happiness. I’m sure the outcome of being able to address your previous obstacles that have affected you will actually ensure that your future is brighter and that the life you lead will be richer and filled with a deeper sense of contentment.
NOTE TO THE READER:
Of course, as always, I am very interested in hearing your thoughts about this article! Do you think many of us carry “baggage” in our day to day to lives? Is it really even a problem? How can we fix it?
Ready, Set, Discuss!!
As the couple gets ready to board the plane, the man is informed by the airlines, that there is a two bag minimum. The well-established businessman was attempting to board the plane with an astounding six bags, plus two personal items.
With today’s flight restrictions, it would be virtually impossible to board a traditional plane with that many bags. What in the world? I know what you’re thinking, how could anyone try to board a plane with so many bags? Perhaps, the man wasn’t even aware that he was trying to board the flight with so much baggage.
As we move through life, we tend to accumulate a certain amount of “baggage” due to our life experiences. Baggage can easily be defined as things from our past that we “carry” with us, and haven’t let go, addressed, or confronted. The problem with baggage is that it still affects us in some way, shape, form or fashion because it’s a chapter in our life that we haven’t closed yet. Often times we may harbor a certain amount of guilt, distrust, or anger towards an individual or situation, which inadvertently translates to more unhealthy baggage.
Our experiences ultimately shape us into the person that we are, and the person that we become. These experiences that we encounter begin with our childhood, extends throughout adolescence, teenage years, young adulthood, our middle-aged years, and beyond. If we don’t deal with these circumstances that affect us, I would argue that it’s extremely difficult to live a fully rich life, full of depth, happiness, and purpose.
Now, the question to what extent something affects us is indeed another discussion in itself. I’m sure a lot of times we think, “Oh, well, I turned out pretty good.” “Everything’s fine with me now, it could have been much worse.” It’s almost as if we try to convince ourselves that everything is okay, because we do know that things could always be worse.
Is this a good stance to take? Are we really living our life to our fullest potential? Are we genuinely satisfied with the course our life has taken? Are we being true to ourselves and the people around us?
After analyzing many case studies, I have yet to discover an individual that had a substantial amount of baggage that was genuinely happy with their life and felt a deep sense of fulfillment with their life. Now, “substantial amount of baggage” is, of course a highly subjective statement. However, those cases in which people had unresolved issues (with family, friends, romantic partners, business relationships, etc.) they tended not to feel a high level of content within their life.
The primary way to increase your sense of life satisfaction is to come to terms with all of you unresolved matters in your life. That means that you’re really going to have to “unpack” all of your baggage in order to ensure a happy, fulfilling trip into your future. The obstacle is that this can be both mentally and emotionally exhausting. This can be extremely challenging because it will often times force us to be uncomfortable and we will have to deal with a lot of instances from our past. This process will also dare us to be honest with ourselves and force us to be vulnerable. This can be really hard, because often times we put up artificial representations of ourselves for the sole purpose of being perceived positively from others.
However, in the end, dealing with our baggage is undoubtedly worth it! It can be a freeing and therapeutic experience! It’s not going to be easy, but its value is priceless. Take it one step at a time. Figure out what things from your past have affected (and/or continued to bother) you, and confront them head on. I understand many will read this article and choose not to make any changes in their life due to fear, despite the fact that there are many bags to unpack.
Just remember that “courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear” (Ambrose Redmon), like your happiness. I’m sure the outcome of being able to address your previous obstacles that have affected you will actually ensure that your future is brighter and that the life you lead will be richer and filled with a deeper sense of contentment.
NOTE TO THE READER:
Of course, as always, I am very interested in hearing your thoughts about this article! Do you think many of us carry “baggage” in our day to day to lives? Is it really even a problem? How can we fix it?
Ready, Set, Discuss!!
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