Since when did our culture become virtually obsessed with being commitment-free? I mean, we can’t even commit to a phone service provider, a career occupation, our education, a dream, our faith, let alone another person. It’s as if this noncommittal attitude is quite normal and in many ways perceived as being acceptable in today’s American culture.
It’s amazing to contrast yesterday, as in decades ago, and today. Yesterday, it used to be quite common to find people that worked for the same company or in the same industry for 20+ years. Today this is ever so obsolete; the average American changes their job every 3-5 years. Now, of course, one could argue that there are a variety of reasons that contribute to this dramatic shift in the workplace. However, one cannot ignore the underlying commitment factor. People are “tired” of working the same job or for the same company and want a fresh start.
We know that increased education directly correlates to a higher quality of life. Nevertheless, we still witness high dropout rates in high school and college. Today, we just can’t seem to finish anything, whether it’s a higher education program course of study, our ability to value our commitment to one’s faith or our marriage that we so willingly stood before our partner, our family, loved ones, and God.
The exceedingly high divorce rate which continues to soar, the astronomically high rates of infidelity within marriages and committed relationships, and the ambiguousness of relationships between men and women that involve a sexual relationship without the commitment factor is definitive evidence that this is a major dilemma. How is it that we’ve accepted having all or most of the privileges of being in a committed relationship (like sex, children, living together, financial duties, etc.) without accepting the escalated level of commitment that is necessary in order to build and maintain a healthy relationship?
The fact that we have problems with commitment, especially in the since of long-term relationships and marriage, displays the true depth of our selfishness. We feel it’s okay to bailout when difficult times arise. It’s all about me, what I want, how I feel, and most importantly what’s best for me. Don’t we realize that when we make the choice, and it is indeed a choice, to embark on a romantic journey, that it is no longer about me! It is now that I have to consider another person’s needs, not just my own. I am forced to accept and care for our needs together.
A good friend once told me that the problem is, people always put the “me” before “we,” and he is absolutely right! I must admit, it comes almost natural, for people to put themselves before their partner or their relationship, at least in today’s culture. Our values have changed, we value being autonomous and independent more so than being compassionate and being concerned with the needs of others.
Now, I’m fully aware that sometimes it won’t work, due to excruciating circumstances, such as physical, mental, or emotional abuse within a committed relationship. Perhaps, reoccurring episodes of infidelity and dishonesty. However, more often than not, we simply give up. We decide that it’s just too hard and we can’t do it anymore. We don’t exhaust every measure possible to try to make it work, which often times would include seeking external help, such as marriage and relationship counseling, therapy, etc.
So, how do we begin to fix, what I call, the commitment crisis?
We must first be mindful of what it means to commit to something or someone. Commitment has everything to do with pledging yourself, your support, and your energy into a specific task, whether it is a relationship, a job, a dream, your education, or your faith. It is important for us to understand that this vow or promise should not be taken lightly. Commitment also stems from loyalty. If one is uncertain of what it takes to fulfill such an obligation, then one should investigate what it means and whether or not they have what it takes to be successful in their venture.
In many ways, it boils down to communication; being able to communicate your concerns, your fears, your questions, your feelings, your frustrations to your partner (if in a relationship) or someone that can aid you (if the problem is committing to your education, your dream, your faith, etc). Sometimes communication is difficult. Allowing ourselves to communicate our feelings often times leaves us in a state of vulnerability, though this extremely important if we plan on working through our unresolved commitment issues.
I’m sure everyone has something, and probably several things, that we can work on when it comes to commitment. I want to challenge everyone to at least three things in their life that they are going to strive to improve on when it comes to commitment, whether it’s your marriage or relationship, a friendship that needs more attention, if it’s school or education-related, or if it has something to do with your faith, a dream you have (that you haven’t fully committed to), or if it’s a lifestyle alteration (exercise, drinking more water, making healthier food choices, etc).
I want to encourage everyone that you do, indeed, have what it takes to commit to anything in your life that needs improvement, as long as you are open and receptive to positive growth and change! American novelist (1936), Tom Robbins suggests that you “stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach,” and I would argue then and only then will you not only be successful in your decisions but you will continue to experience true soulful growth as an individual.
- There are so many angles one could choose to go with the song selection for this article. I chose to provide a variety of songs that would reinforce the notion of commitment.
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkRSMaCjCjw (The Song: Closer; The Artist: Goapele. This song is about becoming closer to one’s dreams. It is only with a strong sense of commitment that one can achieve all of their heart’s dreams and desires.)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xno5jcx_z2I (The Song: Underappreciated; The Artist: Christina Aguilera. This song is about one’s frustrations in a committed, romantic relationship, and how she feels underappreciated after all of the efforts that she has exerted into this committed relationship. Make sure you check out the lyrics on the sidebar by clicking “more info”)
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuTKD7_okUA (The Song: Commitment; The Artist: Leann Rimes. This song is about finding commitment in a romantic relationship.)
