At age six, the young boy and girl stroll hand in hand towards the crowded playground, where they quickly build sandcastles in the summer months and make snow angels in the winter months together. At age thirteen, they bond over extracurricular activities at school and talk endlessly about movies, music, and television. At sixteen, they go together to get their driver’s license; experience first dates and prom together. As the years go by, they are destined to remain good friends (maybe even “best” friends) forever, right?
Things aren’t always what they appear to be, especially when it comes to examining different kinds of relationships, whether they are friendships, romantic relationships, familial relationships or business/professional/work relationships. Often times, relationships may appear one way, when in fact, they may actually be drastically different than the way in which they are presented.
As I begin this brief investigative journey, I must find out, what exactly is a “friend?” I consulted, Mr. Webster’s (New World 2002 Edition), and a friend is defined as: 1) “a person whom one knows well and is fond of” 2) “an ally, supporter, or sympathizer” 3) “a member of the Society of Friends; Quaker.”
Okay, so not a bad starting point when trying to understand what it means to be a friend. The first two definitions highlight two very different things, knowing someone well, and second being able to be supportive. I’m sure most would agree that these characteristics, amongst others, are indeed important when trying to define what a friend is and the depth of friendships. However, these alone are not the only attributes that can be utilized when trying to grasp the meaning behind friendships.
True, sincerely genuine friendships encompass a high level of reciprocity in order for them to be fruitful. Both friends must have similar definitions of what it means to be a friend. "One cannot truly have friends, if one cannot first be a friend." (- Author Unknown) The biggest obstacle involving acquiring healthy friendships today is due to high levels of selfishness. In today’s culture, people value themselves, their needs, and their wants over the needs of others. This individualistic mentality has led to the break-down of relationships, especially friendships and romantic relationships.
Whether or not we realize it, the people around us or lack thereof, tell us a story about ourselves. Picture this, a vibrantly energetic individual with an optimistic perspective on life who possesses an authentic concern for the well being of others. Now picture, an intensely self-centered, egotistical pessimistic individual that only cares about their needs, wants, and desires. Who has a larger pool of “friends?” Of course, this is indeed a no-brainer!
In many ways, the people that we associate with are a reflection of ourselves. Now, occasionally, we can be fooled. Someone (a friend, boyfriend, acquaintance, etc.) may not be what we thought them to be, at first. However with time, all things become evident. It is when you really need help, support, and love that you learn who your legitimate friends are. A person that earnestly cares for you is willing to make sacrifices for you in your time of need; they are willing to support you when difficult obstacles arise, and they're willing to stand by you until the very end of the tumultuous storm. This person is a true friend.
So, back to the initial question, what exactly is a friend? A friend is willing to come get you at 3 am, when the weather is 25 degrees outside and give your car a jump because the battery died. A friend is willing to drive 35 min to to stay up all night until 6 am, helping you pack to get ready for your big cross country move. A friend is willing to listen to you cry all night about your crazy boyfriend, your unruly co-workers, and your challenging family situations. A true friend is willing to make sacrifices to support you when you need help the most. “He who finds a faithful friend finds a treasure.” (-Author Unknown)
When we dare to care, we allow ourselves the opportunity to continue to grow and flourish as a person. We learn that life is not all about us. It’s not about what we want. It’s not even about what makes us happy, from a materialistic perspective. It has nothing to do with the money, cars, clothes, or appearances. Life has everything to do with the relationships that we make, the friendships that bond us together, and our social interactions with people that aid in our personal quest for self discovery.
It is ever so important to be mindful that friendship is a special kind of love. Friendships are work, just as any relationship. They take sacrifice, consistency, and the ability to be a support system for someone other than ourselves. It’s never too late to rectify “broken” friendships. However, one must always remember that “friendship is a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” In closing, I leave you with a beautifully poetic quote by Mark Twain, “good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
- Javier, Sirron, Emily (& Chad), Lorissa, Tootie, Hope, Mallory, Ashley, Raymond, Bryn, Stacey, this list goes on and could go on forever (Geez, too many to mention!) However, you know who you are (and many of you are followers)!
- This piece is dedicated to my beautiful friends (non-blood related) that I’ve had for a “reason, a season or a lifetime.” I really do believe that friends are the family that we create for ourselves. You are my 2nd family! Thank you for being you and for being the sunshine and support system of my life! I love you more than words can express!!
Thoughts for the Reader: (I want to hear from you! Even if it's only one sentence!)
-What are you thoughts about friendship?
-What does it mean to be a friend?
-Do you think that we have problems in today’s society with broken friendships, relationships, etc.
