The Love Lesson

A Note to the Reader:

Love.

As a sincerely acute food lover, my analysis suggests that love is a lot like an onion. Like an onion with its many layers, love, too is layered with degrees in which the emotional depth can be both felt and potentially evaluated. On a more sensory note, both have the ability to make you cry, without much restraint. An onion tastes good (or bad), just as love feels good (or bad), depending on whom you ask. Love has the ability to enhance one’s own personal life experience, just as an onion has the ability to enhance to the preparation of a well made savory dish.

I have, indeed, wanted to write about love for some time now, but have always felt this subject to be extremely multifaceted and filled with an abundance of challenges. To say that the subject of love is incredibly difficult and intensely overwhelming would be a vast understatement.

Love is complicated. It’s complex and it’s not the easiest thing in the world to understand. So, I have scoured books on romantic poetry in search of truth, researched religious texts and scriptures, collected interviews and amazing recounts from people to provide clarity, and I have explored the depths of my mind and heart for answers surrounding love. Thus, here are my discoveries regarding my investigation on the lesson(s) of love.

Introduction

It’s a mild autumn morning and you’re on your way to work. You hop into your car, toss your briefcase on the passenger seat, and quickly put the key into the ignition. The radio cuts on as you pull out the driveway and there’s the slow romantic “My Heart Will Go On” Celine Dion ballad playing. Geez, you haven’t even had your morning cup of coffee yet, it is entirely too early for this! You rapidly turn stations. The R&B Oldies station is playing the upbeat, “How Will I Know” Whitney Houston dance tune from the 1980’s. The Country station is playing Leann Rimes’ “I Need You,” meanwhile, the R&B/Hip Hop station is playing LL Cool J’s “I Need Love.”

Let’s face it, the subject of love is everywhere. It’s the main topic of discussion in all genres of music, including rhythm and blues, jazz, country, rock, hip hop, alternative, reggae, and world music, (just to name a few). Love is in what we read, from self help books, to newspaper columns, to novels, and poetry. It’s what we watch on television; whether it be the subject of talk shows, reality shows, or fictional television series’. Love is definitely on the big screen. Even in movies that are action packed dramas, there is often times a subtle, non-threatening love story attached to it. The idea of love is extremely pervasive in world culture, and has been since the beginning of ancient time.

Why is it, that love is the main theme in so many creative outlets?

Could it be the all of us, or at least 92% of us, have felt or want to feel the true magnitude of what it means to love? Perhaps, we’re conditioned to be in search of finding love, falling in love, and living happily ever after, in love, of course. This undoubtedly leads us to the, not one, but two million dollar question of the day!

Research

What is love?

I decided to see what Mr. Webster had to say about this concept of love. Mr. Webster, in 2002 during his “New World” era, states that love is a “1.) Strong affection or liking for someone or something,” “2.) A passionate affection of one person for another.” In addition to this, other sources attempt to define love as “the love of God; God is love” or love “encompasses a sexual passion and deep friendship.” Do these definitions legitimately define love accurately? These explanations of love are vague, at best. The definitions are nice, but don’t accurately include everything that embodies the meaning of love.

So, I suppose we’re back to the drawing board. Let’s review a couple of pieces of literature or text that might provide us with another level of understanding love. Below are two poems, by two well-known authors, none other than Elizabeth Barrett Browning and William Shakespeare.

Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer’s Day?
(William Shakespeare)

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May;And summer's lease hath all too short a date.Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;And every fair from fair sometime declines,By chance, or nature's changing course untrimm'd;But thy eternal summer shall not fade,Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;Nor shall Death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,When in eternal lines to time thou grow'stSo long as men can breathe or eyes can see,So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

How Do I Love Thee
(Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

How Do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’sc
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as the turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Discussion

What exactly do you think when you read this two poems? Or perhaps an even better question is, how do you feel (since love is a “feeling” or emotion) when you read these two classic poems?

I’m sure most would agree that one or both of these poems suggest a certain high level of emotional intensity and deep care (for the person to whom the poem is written for). I would also go out on a limb and say that it’s possible that most would identify these two poems as having positive “love” ideas and “love” feelings attached to them. Most readers might also suggest that Shakespeare and Barrett-Browning are probably “in love” (with the person that they are writing about).

Which brings me to another question, what does it mean to be “in love” with someone? Are there certain side effects in which you can tell whether or not you’ve been hit with the ever-changing love bug? And, more importantly, to love someone, is that the same as being “in love” with a person? You must admit, these are some pretty good, loaded questions!

I definitely believe there’s a difference between loving someone and being “in love” with them. I think it’s completely possible to love a person and not be “in love” with them. However, when it comes to a romantic relationship, most often when someone says, “I love you,” (for the first time) 9 times out of 10 what they are really saying is “I’m IN love with you.”

On the other hand, there is the rare occasion, when a couple is in a romantic relationship, and the first “I love you” is not to be translated as “I’m IN love you,” and they really mean “I love you.” However, I would definitely argue this is very much so not the norm. I would probably go so far as to say that this happens, with less than 15% of couples. I think often times people actually love their partner, far before they ever choose to verbalize it.

Research

In my quest to attempting to gain a deeper understanding of love, I discovered this very interesting statement by author, Lafcadio Hearn.

In almost every life there is a time when we care for only one person, and suffer much for that person’s sake; yet in that period we do not care whether we suffer or die, and in after life, when we look back at those hours of youth, we wonder at the way in which we then felt.
(p.15) (Appreciations of Poetry, 1916; the Chapter “On Love in English Poetry” by Lafcadio Hearn)

Discussion

What do you think about this statement? I found this statement to be both intriguing and sincerely genuine from the writer, himself. In many ways, he has incorporated a sense of his own personal experience, in addition to considering the literature of many Romantic poets.

I would argue this comment discusses the notion of what it means to be “in love” with someone. The sense of deep care and large degree of passion, suggests a high level of emotionally charged feelings surrounding love.

Research

Religious Text/Scriptures:
· Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs.”
· Proverbs 14:17 “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.”
· Proverbs 20:6 “Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?”

Discussion

Many people turn to various forms of religious scripture for answers to questions. So, that being the case, do you think this provides us with any more information about love? Does it resolve this mystery?
I found that it actually enticed more questions than answers. Because so many things are open to interpretation by the reader, all of the research (religious texts, poetry, personal experience comments, etc.) all raised more questions about love than solving any of the mysteries that are surrounded by this complex phenomenon.

Results & Discussion

So, it appears that I am once again, back to square one. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that love is, in actuality a deep, inexplicable puzzle. It’s open to interpretation and means different things to different people. It means different sacrifices to different people. It goes back to an age old, manipulative saying, “If you love me, then you will… (Do what I ask).” But, really, love is ambiguous, unclear, and undefined. Love is a mystery.

I know what love means to me, finally (after going on this deeply exhaustive journey). Love requires a deep level of selflessness and vulnerability. I think a rift in one’s emotional and spiritual self can lead to a loss of hope, faith, and love. Love can be a medicine to heal one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual scars (from their past). It requires a person to “open” their heart and allow themselves the ability to experience such an intense emotion.

I think it is very difficult for most people to “really” love. Vulnerability and selflessness are not two characteristics that people have an easy time handling. Most people have experienced a grave degree of pain in their life which makes it difficult to love, or difficult to love again. It’s amazing how much our family lives shape us as adults. One’s first encounter with love is with their parents and/or siblings. One’s first encounter with romantic love or the state of being “in love” is by witnessing or not witnessing their parent’s relationship(s). These relationships that we witness as children are healthy, unhealthy, or nonexistent, and they affect us later on in our own adult love relationships.

I think it’s important for us to understand our past love relationships and how they affect us, our partners, our children, our families, our friends, even our work/business relationships. It is only then, that we will have the ability to mend the broken bonds that have wounded us in our social lives, and really learn to love. I do believe that we can all really learn to love, and “love” in a healthy, fulfilling, and positive way.

Music Selections

As always, I must include love songs, below are several musical selections to bring delicious music to your ears! However, I decided to do something a little differently. This week is “Take Your Musical Pick.” Decide who sang it better! (There are several songs in which there is the original and a remake.) Who do you like better? Feel free to post your comments below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz2cUX0CNA8 The Artist: Foreigner ;The Song: I Want to Know What Love Is (Original) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7IhKwvQuGA The Artist: Mariah Carey (Remake)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuZO1iT4kD0 The Artist: Dolly Parton; The Song: I Will Always Love You (Original) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGC003Xz3CY The Artist: Whitney Houston (Remake)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wANfZoE5x_I The Artist: Roberta Flack; The Song: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (Original) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv1cHzPp4-U The Artist: Celine Dion (Remake)

Live Performances! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X35Mundp3j4 The Artist: Lionel Richie & Diana Ross: The Song: Endless Love (Original) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO4tH7kGD_Y&feature=related The Artists: Mariah Carey & Luther Vandross (Remake)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUittJXChGY A 5 min video of the top 20 Love Songs of All time. Enjoy!

Questions, Comments, Ideas to the Reader:

Consequently, I want to hear from you!
· What is love?
· What does it mean to be “in love?”
· Why is love the main topic of discussion (in music, television, film, poetry, books, etc.)?
· Any experiences you’re willing to share about love?
· What about a “first love” versus later “loves?”

Post your comments on this page! I look forward to reading them and I’m sure others will too! Ready, Set, Share!!!