It’s a warm Saturday night, in a city that doesn’t sleep until a delicious sunrise begins to peak in the distance. The attractive young man quickly parks his black BMW, as he hurriedly approaches the Bank of America ATM machine. He withdraws $160 in cash as he prepares for his electrifying journey into the city nightlife. The night is young and promises to be full of excitement.
Across town, a late twenty-something year old lady, is also headed for a thrilling destination that guarantees to be filled with dancing, meeting new friends, and rekindling connections with old friends. She’s scheduled to meet her close college girl friend for their nightlife adventure, as she heads to the nearest ATM machine for cash. She parks her black cherry colored Mercedes as she runs up to the ATM machine and attempts to withdraw $80. Only, there is an error message coming up on the screen that reads “No account funds available for withdrawal.” What?! She’s a successful corporate attorney who makes over $85K a year –this should not be happening! The machine was working just fine for the patron before her. What exactly is going on?!
How dreadfully embarrassing and disappointing to not be able to withdraw money from your bank account, especially when you know you’ve been making deposits regularly. This cycle of deposits and withdrawals is a lot like relationships. Whether or not we realize it, when we spend time with people (family, friends, romantic partners, etc.) we are choosing to emotionally invest ourselves in these individuals. Time, in essence, is a priceless resource in which we have the liberty to spend, but can never actually get back.
As we consciously or unconsciously choose to emotionally invest (spend time and energy) with people, it is of extreme importance that we make sure this person is, indeed, worth it. Now, how can one assess whether or not a person is worthy of your emotional investment? It can easily be evaluated by the experiences that we engage in, grow from, and ultimately help us to foster our own sense of positive well being. There are several questions one should consider asking themselves, including: What kinds of positive benefits am I reaping by being exposed to this person on a regular basis? Is this person contributing to or taking away from my overall sense of happiness? Furthermore, do the positive characteristics substantially outweigh the negative qualities in this person and in our relationship?
After posing all of these questions, sometimes the answer will become blatantly obvious as to whether or not this particular individual is worth our emotional investment. And, of course, there may be other times in which the answer is not as apparent. However, one must be mindful, that as we continue to expend our time and energy into people, it’s as if we are making deposits into a bank. By making yourself available to a particular person we are depositing a little bit of ourselves into their bank. This includes everything from being there for the person should their car battery die, to helping them study all night for their entrance exam, to listening to them vent about their no-good boyfriend, and helping them dry their tears when their cat dies.
All of this is fine and dandy, making deposits in the bank, but it’s important to know that at the end of the day you will have the ability to make withdrawals from this same bank, when necessary. These withdrawals could be that you need assistance because your computer crashed and you need help to pay an overdue bill online or your wonderfully loving dog of 12 years passes away and it saddens you and you want to talk to someone about it; but instead this person is too busy because he’s in the middle of playing a really competitive video game or is about to go watch the football game with friends at the local sports bar. It places a taxing strain on you, when you’ve made an abundance of sacrifices to help, support, and nurture someone, and at the end of the day that person is not willing to endure the same amount of challenges when you need help and support.
Everyone wants interest to accrue on their monetary investment. No one wants their money to turn into some kind of unexpected, detrimental liability. Most people invest with the hope that eventually their investments will takeoff and turn a profit. The same is true when we take the time out to invest in people that we care about. We hope that, when the time comes, we will be able to count on that person to be there to support and aid us in life’s difficult challenges. If this person, somehow, does not come through when we need them, it is our job to acknowledge this circumstance and adjust the relationship accordingly. It makes no sense to keep investing in a particular company, bank, person, or otherwise when the profitability rate continues to decrease, the company is not performing adequately, the bank is losing money, or the person is not willing to extend a helping hand to someone who has helped them in the past and who is currently in need of support.
In today’s economy, one cannot afford to be careless with their money, or to invest in something that will not prove to be successful. The risk of failure is much higher today than ever before. It used to be that banks were financially secure, highly dependable, and fairly trustworthy, kind of like people. The characteristics that people used to possess and value, 20, 30, 40+ years ago were filled with a lot more sincerity and authenticity when it came to helping others, being reliable, and maintaining positive relationships with people that they care about. Now, culturally, our priorities have changed (in many ways, not for the better). People no longer pride themselves on being trustworthy, helping their neighbors, or maintaining constructive relationships. Our culture has indeed, become excruciatingly self-absorbed and egotistical when it comes to satisfying our own needs and ignoring the needs of others.
All of this being said, the central notion of this discussion, is for us to take the time out to evaluate the kinds of relationships and the people with whom we expend a lot of time and energy with. It is ever so imperative to enjoy life now, while continuously striving for fruitful, healthy relationships in the future. This process of positive, healthy relationship building must involve worthy investments, which would be the right kinds of people that contribute sincerely to our life. Oprah Winfrey believes that “lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” I, personally, couldn’t agree more!
-Dedicated to every man, woman, and child so that we might all, someday, have the ability to make wise emotional investments of the heart!
-Inspired and written for ALL of my many friends with whom I have had endless conversations about this relationship analogy that I have developed (particularly, Ash who loves Pringles, Cyn who loves the Sun, y mi Javier)!
- It wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t include my second favorite love—music, with this writing piece. The song choice that I have selected is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P3RUVy7OrU a classic (The Song: A Woman’s Worth; The Artist: Alicia Keys)! I chose this song selection due to the fact the song actually stresses the worth and value tied to an individual. However, this song is primarily highlights the romantic aspect of a woman being an emotional investment into the life of a man and vice versa.
- I hope you find this article and song choice to be deliciously insightful and thought-provoking (and I anxiously await your comments on the subject at hand)!!
I suppose what we have to eventually realize that love, appreciation, and dedication are not always very tangible. Sometimes, it is in the smallest things that we should find our comfort and reassurance. However, most people only recognize the big signs and only look for the big reasons to love, to commit, and to serve.
ReplyDeleteFaith is a huge reason why people persist in their beliefs - whether in religion, whether in love, whether in life... It's faith that let's people accept that there is a reason for suffering, short comings, misfortunes, etc. And instead, people will look forward instead of backward.
Faith = optimism?? I'm not sure.
We cannot fix the world in one sitting; we cannot fix ourselves in one sitting.
What we can do is try to fix our perceptions, and instead of complaining about the have nots and what ifs... We should focus on the reality of our situations.
It is only us who hold ourselves back from the potential that we can reach by merely believing in an answer that is not yet tangible and having hope that in the end everything will be okay. If it's not okay, it is not the end.
On that note, the bank of relationships acts as a tangible resource - much like the Bank of America. If you went completely broke, would you completely give up?
I wouldn't. The money in the bank is not the most valuable part of my assets. At least, if I were smart enough, it would not be the most valuable.
If we put more value in ourselves and in the intangible parts of our lives, we would realize we are much richer than we allow ourselves to believe.
In that sense, as you realize your worth, so will others. And as your self worth accrues, you are then able to use your accrued amounts to invest in someone who you think is also worthy (most likely, it's also someone who thinks s/he is highly worth it as well).